"People's reactions to opera the first time they see it is very dramatic; they either love it or they hate it. If they love it, they will always love it. If they don't, they may learn to appreciate it, but it will never become part of their soul."
Replace the word "opera" with "running a long race" and that's how I feel today. On Sunday, I ran a race. The Disney's Princess Half-Marathon. And I finished. I didn't die. I didn't puke. I actually ran across the finish line. It was hard. It hurt. I saw a lot of people in pain and agony and a lot of people who didn't reach their goals that day. In fact, almost 17,000 people began the race. Less than 14,000 finished. That blasted Mickey Mouse golf cart did indeed exist. And it picked up a lot of women on Sunday morning. But by God, it didn't get me! I didn't even see it. Never had to look for it. It was a great day. I fell in love that day. Not with running, but with accomplishing goals. I realized it really had been a long time since I had done something that I was proud of, just because I wanted to.
I'm gonna break this thing down. Warning: I have a lot of information/emotions to discuss. A LOT. Proceed with caution. You've been warned.
Pre-Race:
Friday we went to the expo at the Wide World of Sports to pick up my race bib and information, be pixie-dusted, and to size up the competition. Now the most important thing to be noted here, I was scared of this expo. Probably more scared of this than the actual race. This was going to be what determined my outlook going into Sunday. I'm sure I need not remind you of the Turkey Trot fiasco. The morning of that run, I had a complete mental breakdown just based purely on the fact that I was surrounded by beautiful, hard-bodied women and men, who were so intimidating from a physical standpoint that my body wouldn't perform that day at all. I just felt like I was a fat American in my sweats eating McDonald's sitting at a French bistro surrounded by sexy, sophisticated French women in their bikinis drinking Merlot for lunch. (That's the only analogy I can think of to accurately describe the situation. Please refer to the warning above if you don't like it.)
So I fully expected to go into the expo and be surrounded by athletic Brooklyn Decker types. And as we walked in, we were greeted by "ladies in waiting" who were sprinkling everyone with pixie dust. It was beautiful. And what was even more beautiful, was the fact that I was surrounded by thousands of women who looked just like me. There were mothers and daughters, sisters, grandmothers, and lots of teams of women who had trained together and were running for a cause. I was immediately relieved to know that the majority of women there were running in hopes of just finishing rather than setting a PR. I was relieved, encouraged and inspired and most importantly, was able to enjoy the day. Sidenote: It was CROWDED. And they didn't allow strollers. Really, they didn't. My loving husband stood in a 30 minute line to get my 13.1 sticker and my I DID IT! t-shirt at the RunDisney merchandise booth. It was so sweet. Especially because I knew there was still a chance that I might not get to use either one of them. At the moment, I still had a small unsettling fear that I wouldn't finish; a thought that I just could not silence.
We had a nice relaxing rest of the day. We went swimming, ate more than we should have, and I went to bed feeling much more confident than before the expo.
The next day we went to the Animal Kingdom. Now this was the only part of Disney World that my son Jack was actually looking forward to. Autistic children tend to get overstimulated with crowds and loud noise. And Jack used to be the exception to the rule, but not anymore. But if there's animals involved, he's good to go. So we were super excited for this day. We went on safari, petted some sheep and llamas, changed some diapers in a rain forest sound booth, waited on Jonathan so he could look at Pocahontas a little longer than I would have liked but I digress. It really was a great day. But by 5 that evening my legs and feet were already hurting, and I began to worry. 3 a.m. was going to come really really early. yay
Race Day Report:
3 a.m. did in fact come early. Armed with my whole wheat bagel and peanut butter and banana, we set out for Epcot. My plan of just slipping the boys out of bed and into the car had backfired. They were wide awake. I felt so bad for what they were going to put Jon through over the next six hours. Jon was trying to get my pre-race interview on film while I was driving and eating so I'm sure that video is going to win Best Documentary at next year's Oscars. We got to the runner's drop off area and I realized that they were ushering cars in and out so fast that there was going to be no proper good-byes. There was not going to be an opportunity for a Casablanca good-bye moment where Jon sends me off a little girl and I return as a woman. There was no pre-race motivational Rocky and Mickey speech to set me off. It was just jump out, good luck, and the good luck was mostly directed at Jon for the fact that he now had to go and find a parking space, hang out for 3 hours until race time, and then survive both the boys in a double stroller getting around the parks to see me race...for another 3 hours. Good Luck was definitely going to be needed.
As I got to the holding area, it looked like a rave. It was dark, it was 3:30 in the a.m., there were a lot of glow sticks and necklaces, a lot of glitter and fairy wings, and a lot of people were putting things into their mouths that they maybe shouldn't have. You know, your typical rave in Orlando. It was complete organized chaos. I couldn't figure out where to go. So I found myself a corner and parked it for the next hour. I just people watched and figured out people's stories. And everyone here had them. There was a lot of nervous excitement. And also a lot of fear. I was a nice eclectic mix of the two and everything in between.
Around 5 they directed us towards the starting line. A walk that took around 20 minutes. The cool thing about Disney is, they don't do anything half-ass. (What does this word mean? We had a good conversation about this on the way to Orlando. No one ever says full-ass. Or all-ass.) But Disney had gone to great lengths to consistently give you something to look at or listen to. Music was pumping from ten foot speakers and they had giant tv screens making sure you could see the pre race show that included the fairy godmother and inspirational stories. It was really, really cool.
At about 5:45, I had come out of the porta potty (for the 3rd time already). I found my way to my Corral. We were supposedly placed in our corresponding corrals based on what our submitted pace was. So I kind of figured that everyone would look like me. Some did. Some didn't. Some actually looked like Brooklyn Decker. And a few looked like they were in the middle of the Biggest Loser season (I say that with a sincerity and respectful, non-sarcastic tone). It was really inspirational to see such a diverse group of women. I began to get really emotional. And all of a sudden, really really scared. And then it happened. My phone rang. It was my kindred spirit/ best friend Francis Clayton. If any of you don't know her, you're really missing out. She called me to wish me well, to tell me that I could do it. And to tell me that this was my time. After we hung up, she texted me the following gem:
There comes a time in every woman's life when she must blaze her own trail. A time when she has to run, not from an evil stepmother, but to her moment of glory. A day when the true princess inside of her shines through. The time has come for you! Shine sister shine!
I don't know if this was someone else's quote or an original, because she is certainly capable of something so creative and powerful, but wherever it came from, it went straight to my head. And at that moment, any fear I had of not finishing completely disappeared. And I was ready. Ready to do what I set out to do 6 months prior. Ready to prove to myself that I was capable of doing something impossible and great. And I knew at that moment that I would see that finish line, get my medal, and get to put the sticker on my car and get to wear that I DID IT! t-shirt that my husband so awesomely waited in line to buy me. I made sure my tiara was in place and waited for my fireworks to flash and for the fairy Godmother to say GO!
The first few miles that are usually so difficult for me were pretty cool. I really had to focus on pacing myself. I occasionally looked at the Garmin and saw 10:00 and 10:30, WAY too fast for me. I knew that if I didn't slow down I would pay for it later. At mile 2, they had a giant pirate ship from one of the parades. And Jack Sparrow along with other hunks like Tarzan, Aladdin and John Smith were there to greet the ladies. They also had hot-air balloons, DJs and men on stilts. It was pretty cool to see this stuff along the highway. Around mile 3 they had Lilo and Stitch and the Luau dancers from the Polynesian Hotel. The belly dancers were a nice touch because it gave some extra motivation to keep running. Muffin tops were one thing those dancers did not posses. At mile 4, I knew my boys would be waiting. I dressed us all in green so we would be easy to find. And it worked. I could spot em in a crowd of hundreds. And the color green has never looked so pretty. Mile 6 took us into the Magic Kingdom. Before we even got on Main Street, the tears came and came hard. Every worker that was there stood on the running path to give us high fives and to cheer. From the rundisney volunteers to cafeteria workers and janitors, they all just stood there to cheer for us. Only in Disney I thought to myself. And when I turned the corner to see the castle, the flood gates opened and the Red Sea came crashing down on me. I was boo hooing. Like, I literally was saying boo hoo I was crying so hard. We ran thru Tomorrowland and I thought about the first trip that Jack was tall enough to ride the cars. Boo hoo. I saw the tea cups and remembered my uncle puking after getting off of them and a woman coming by and literally slipped into his vomit. I couldn't have been older than 6. Boo hoo. I passed by Pooh and mourned for the fact that this ride scares Jack to death, but rejoiced in the fact that George loves it. Boo hoo. And then I came to the back of the castle. There she was. Cinderella and Prince Charming. My alter ego and that of my husband's (proclaimed by myself and not said husband). And Mickey and Minnie. And there were trumpeters. And as I ran through the tunnel, the view of Main Street lined with thousands of spectators was just too much. I had to stop. And ugly face cry. And I videotaped. Yeah, I took a handheld recorder and hopefully got some good footage. It was a great moment. One that I had been waiting on for a long time. And it was just as sweet as I imagined it would be. It was here I decided that I was going to relish these next few minutes. And take full advantage of it. I waited in line to get my picture made in front of the castle. I waited in line to get my picture made with Capt. Hook and Smee, only because they were Jack's favorite. And before I exited the Magic Kingdom through Frontierland, I stood in front of Splash Mountain and looked behind me at all the runners and the fog that was still settled from the morning, I put my hands on my hips and said I'll never have this moment again. Sigh
And then I realized, oh yeah, I'm running a race with a pace limit, I should probably get back to the running thing.
Mile 7 I don't remember, other than that I was trying to compose myself, find my happy thought, and settle in for the torturous last 6. I also realized it was time for a sportbean snack and was terribly disappointed to find that I was actually sweating hard enough that my beans in my butt pocket had disintegrated into sugar. Cuss. Mile 8 was going to be bittersweet for me. It would be where I would last see the family before the last 5 miles. And I would get a banana :)
They were waiting for me at the end of the spectator crowd. I wanted to jump in the stroller with them. Jack never looked up from his ipad, and George had food all over his face. And Jon was so proud of me at that moment. I think he might have been a little shocked that I was still standing. Or that I was coherent. Regardless, the look of pride was priceless. And a woman then offered to take our picture. She was super kind and she congratulated me on getting this far. She then revealed that she was picked up at this point last year. She didn't make it. That golf cart found her and dashed her hopes of that tiara medal. Cuss, I have to go. It was not gonna be me.
Mile 8-11 were tough. There was nothing to look at, only maybe because I never looked up from the street in front of me. I strapped on the headphones and blocked everything else out. First up on the shuffle, Bella's Lullabye from Twilight. (All you haters can stick it.) It calmed me, helped me to focus and breathe, and allowed me to daydream about Edward throwing me on his back for a sprint back to Epcot. It was awesome. Thank you Stephanie Meyers. Then Dancing Nancies by DMB. My husband's favorite. I spent this time reminiscing about our trip to Atlanta last summer where we went to see them in concert, took my sister as our babysitter, and made it to the show in enough time TO SEE THE ENCORE. Best 20 minutes of my life. Strangely and appropriately enough, it got stuck on repeat, and I listened to it for 2 miles. Must be noted, I walked mile 11 and 12. Probably most of 10 too but who's counting? My legs and feet felt like led. I had actually gotten a blister on one of my toes. Awesome. But my mantra became Keep Moving Forward. Keep Moving Forward. Thank you Walt and Meet the Robinson's. In the middle of mile 12 I came to an overpass. An overpass that looped around the highway that I had just gotten off of. A highway that allowed me to see most of Disney property, including Epcot and the Finish line. I could actually see it. And....ugly face cry #33. I decided to record the moment. And as I looked back at the highway, I saw thousands of runners. And it occurred to me. I was not going to come in last. Not next to last. And not even in the last 4000. That was a strange, good and completely new experience for me. I then said to myself "Let's finish this thing, and finish strong."
I found a surprisingly good running pace. And just as I was beginning the last mile through Epcot, Somewhere Over the Rainbow Israeli K style came on the ipod. I couldn't have planned it better myself. I entered the park right next to Spaceship Earth. We traveled around the fountain and towards the World Showcase entrance. I saw where the infamous nutwagon once stood that I spent an amazingly fun 4 months of my life standing behind every morning during the college program. I then began to look back at those 7 or 8 years of my life that while at times were great fun, with great experiences and great people, they were also filled with dark times where I was not my best, not my strongest showing of character, and certainly didn't do much to be proud of. And I realized, thanks to the infinite wisdom of my husband, that it was time to let all of that go. And I did just that. As I crossed that finish line, I shed the dead weight I feel like I've been carrying since I was 18. I was able to look at the last 14 years of my life and see where I've come from, what I've been through, and realize that however I got to this place, I'm here, and it's a really, really good place. I have two beautiful boys, a husband that God has so graciously bestowed upon me and God love him, I haven't run him off yet. And I just accomplished something that 6 months ago, during a conversation I had with my husband, I said I couldn't do. I knew that Jon and the boys had not made it back to the finish line before I crossed. They got stuck in a line for the monorail. But I enjoyed and savored that moment for myself. An older gentleman came to me and placed the prettiest gold tiara medal I have ever seen, gently around my neck. And I swear to the stars I felt like FloJo and I was at the Olympics and had just taken home the gold for the US. (Suck it skinny French women with your Merlot!!) A woman, also crying uncontrollably at the finish line, looked at me and we realized that our families were no where near us and we spontaneously fell into each other's arms and told each other how great we were. It was a surreal, exhilerating and the most humbling experience I've ever had. And......scene.
Higlights:
Most inspired moment- I got behind a woman around mile 3 that was clearly in good shape, clearly an avid runner, and clearly battling cancer. She was also spitting blood into a hankerchief. I ran behind her as long as I could. At mile 6, right before the Magic Kingdom, she had to enter a medical tent.
Most inspiring costume- Costumes were everywhere. Mostly princesses and fairies. There were about 500 men who ran. Most of them, were also dressed as fairies and princesses. But the most inspiring costume came from a husband and wife team. They stayed together the entire race dressed in tutus, mickey and minnie hats and matching purple socks. Their t-shirts had a picture of a beautiful little girl and it read:" We are running in memory of our beautiful Anna Grace." They held hands numerous times during the race. I stayed behind them as well, for as long as I could. And cried the whole time.
Most inspiring conversation heard- this race benefits the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. There were numerous teams of men and women who had trained and traveled together and were running in memory or in honor of someone. I tried to stay as close to those teams as possible and feed off of their encouragement. At times, someone would want to sit out, and their team members would say "do it for _ who couldn't be here, do it for _ who lost their son, etc. and they would keep moving. It was beautiful, emotional, sad, and inspiring.
Lowlights:
I learned the hard way about where exactly to put the body glide on for the next race. Blisters on the side boob suck. I learned, also the hard way, that bushes can sometimes be more pleasant and convenient, than porta potties. I learned that while using a bush, just make sure your pants are out of the line of fire before proceeding. I learned that I do not want sugarfree or lowcal powerade while I'm running. Seriously, what's the point? I learned that while most women there were running for a personal and emotional goal, the runners who were there strictly for the "PR" need to chill out. I learned that even the most fit runners suffer from injuries and mental breakdowns and actually quit. And I learned, only from observation of others mind you, that some women naturally want their thongs to show above their pants, even when running. More power to ya girlfriend.
TIME:
My only concern about time was not to fall below the necessary pace to finish. I'm pretty proud of this time. Especially when I look back at how many times I stopped, to take in the moment, to take pictures, get my picture made, and three big potty breaks. I think it's pretty awesome myself. But here it is for your enjoyment.
| Distance | HALF MAR |
| Clock Time | 3:24:24 |
| Chip Time | 3:02:51 |
| Overall Place | 8819 / 13091 |
| Gender Place | 8819 / 13091 |
| Division Place | 1506 / 2113 |
| Age Grade | 36.1% |
| 5K Split | 37:33 |
| 10K Split | 1:22:20 |
| 15K Split | 2:07:59 |
Conclusion:
In December of 2007 I received my Bachelor's degree from Mississippi State. I started in 1996 at Ole Miss. It took me 11 years to get a four year degree. So on graduation day, I looked up at my husband and little Jack and my family and realized it was the proudest moment of my "professional" life. I had finished something I set out to do. As I walked into the HUMP that day in cap and gown, I thought "I will never be more proud of myself than I am right now." And well, Sunday, I proved myself wrong. The feeling of accomplishment I had Sunday, not just when I crossed the finish line, but all during the race, pale in comparison to that day. Not only did I do something mentally, but this involved pushing my body to the outward limits of what I thought possible. I didn't do it because I had to, I did it because I wanted to. And it is surprisingly one of the most humbling experiences. Over the last six months I've become a much more calmer and confident person. I'm less judgemental of others, physically and personally. It's resulted in me being a more disciplined, responsible, and more organized person than before. Now this didn't magically make me a better person nor did it make me a perfect person, obviously. It's what you feel when you prepare or train for something. And most importantly, when you set a goal to do something impossible and then you reach that goal knowing it is a direct result of hard work, determination and heart. I'm most definitely a better person because of it. One of the greatest pleasures this journey has afforded me is finding the friendship and support of friends that I had lost touch with and those I didn't even know I had. I have been overwhelmingly touched by the show of support from you guys during this experience. One of the reasons I started the blog was not just for the accountability, but to help branch out socially and get comfortable with conversation again. As a stay at home mom I had isolated myself from society and justified that by saying I was being a good mom and that was enough. But it's not. You need contact with others to keep you sane and to be a productive human being. And this experience has rectified that situation as well. I feel like I have numerous people I can now call a friend and I once again feel comfortable in my own skin, something I havent been able to say in a long time. So thank you. Thank you to everyone who messaged me or emailed me or cared at all about what I was doing. Your friendship and kind words had much deeper meaning and a much grander effect than you will ever truly know.
Where to go from here: I surprisingly feel like nothing has come to an end. And I hate to sound like a cliche, but my real journey is just now beginning. I immediately felt like wanting to put another race on the calendar. Which we have done. My husband and I will do a half in Savannah in the Fall. And we are even considering the full at Disney in January. Yeah I said it. Lofty goal I know. But I think that's the key. To anything physically, spiritually, or mentally, Always have a goal and always be moving forward. And my last piece of advice: the biggest secret I've learned through all of this is that there is no secret. We all know what we have to do to feel good about ourselves. Whatever it is that you want to do to make you better, to make you happy, then just do it. No excuses. Life will always get in the way. That's why they call it life. Kids, family, jobs, illness, tragedy, and bad habits will always be present to distract us from taking care of ourselves. But you have one life. One body. One mind. So take care of it. Make it the best it can be. Because we're only here once. We only get one shot to do it right.
So whatever it is you want to do, then do it. (Thanks bendoeslife.com)
I love you all.
Lisa. I'm out.
My favorite quote from any song comes from the Indigo Girls "Love's Recovery": Oh how I wish I were a trinity, so if I lost a part of me, I'd still have two of the same to live. But nobody gets a lifetime rehearsal, as spects of dust we're universal. So let this love survive and be the greatest gift that we could give.
Song of the Day: Firework, Katy Perry
