Day 112: Ramblin Man

Today:
Last long run before the race. 10 miles in 2 hours and 11 minutes. I feel pretty good other than my butt hurts. Which is weird because it hasn't hurt, ever. Maybe this means I've just now ran off enough fat to actually begin to work that muscle back there, and today was the first day that the muscle has actually moved. That's a good probability. The hard part for me hasn't been the distance, but sustaining a good, consistent jog for longer than 2 miles. The first two miles are still so awkward for me. I trip, my legs and feet feel weighted and crooked and I simply can't find my rhythm. But once I get into the third mile, I start feeling like FloJo (minus the nails.) Side note: after she suddenly and tragically passed away, her husband, a couple of years after her death, still paid her cell phone bill, just so he could call and hear her voice. Just one of those insignificant yet beautiful little bits of information that my brain retains on the off chance that her name gets brought up, which I did myself. Awesome.
So today was my last long run, and I did it. Yes, I got tired. Yes, I thought about quitting and going to Shipley's, but I didn't. I spent a lot of time today thinking about the last five months. About how difficult it was and still is at times, to just run. It's freaking hard. I thought about the program that I followed. I am absolutely proud to say that I followed a running program for five months. Five months straight?? No. I didn't run every time I was supposed to. I took at least two and a half weeks off at Christmas. And some days I would look at that calendar and say kiss my arse Hal Higdon. Some days I even gave it the finger. But I did stick with it. Do I wish I was more diligent and committed? Absolutely. But at this point, I have no regrets.
My feelings about the race:
I'm confident. And then I'm not. I think "there's no way I'm not going to finish." And then I think "crap, what if I don't finish." I swear somedays I think I'm bipolar.
Regarding the race, I know that the only thing I have to worry about that day is myself. Like Fabio said this week on "Top Chef": You are the only shadow standing in the way of your sunshine. At the time it sounded ridiculous (albeit sexy in the Italian accent; am still bummed he went home) but it completely made sense to me once I started thinking about the different ways this race can play out. I'm probably going to feel super pumped getting up at 3 am and getting to my corral. I'm going to be wicked emotional filming my pre-race interview with the fam, and I'm going to ugly face cry when I hear the music and see the fireworks for the start. And then I'm going to see those beautiful hard bodied runners and once again, just like the Turkey Trot day, I'm going to come down with a big ole case of erectile dysfunction or erunner dysfunction (there should be a word.) Outside of some physical catastrophe that keeps me from finishing, it really does all depend on if I can stay strong enough, mentally, to finish.
This week:
I'm going to spend a lot of time in reflection (with the Tao), a lot of time looking at my life and figuring out how and why I've come to this moment, a lot of time focusing on why I want to run this race. I want to run for myself; so I can be proud of something I've accomplished outside of children and husbandry and to achieve something that seemed completely unattainable. I want to run for my Jack; because he has taught me that nothing is impossible, that we are all capable of doing the one thing we thought we never would do. I want to run for my husband, because he has helped me to realize my potential. I want to run for my little George, because he's going to be the athlete of the family and I already can't keep up with him. I want to run because I know that there a few people out there who think I can't do it. And I want to moon them. And  I also want to run because it will make my butt smaller. (All your reasons don't have to be life altering or Ghandi-ish.)
Song of the Day: Leave Out All the Rest - Linkin Park
Quote of the Day:
"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." - Lao Tzu
"Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself." - William Faulkner