Tao Te Ching: Cultivate Virtue in your self, And Virtue will be real.
My husband is a firm believer in the power of positive thinking. Before he graced my life with his presence, I had never met anyone who held or practiced this philosophy. Example #1: When we first met, there were certain events in my life that had caused me grief, just like everyone else. I could trace my mistakes back to particular decisions, back to certain people that I allowed to have a certain degree of control in my life and they misused it. Others had led me astray. Others had led me into the valley of the shadow of wrong decisions. I had a few people that I laid much blame on for my current state of affairs, which at the time wasn't good. When I began to voice my displeasure of these certain people, he became perplexed. He told me to focus on understanding myself instead of blaming others. Really? You're saying it's my problem? Yeah. That's what he was saying. Jonathan: "Don't let other people rent space in your head for free."
It took me at least four or five days to figure out what the hell he was talking about. It took me a few more days to figure out he was right.
Example #2: Whenever I want to complain, or say something negative about someone, he allows me to do so, but only if I follow up with saying something nice, or positive. For the first year of our marriage, I hated it. I felt like Thumper in Bambie when his mother says "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." Over the next few years of our marriage, I began to embrace his idea of attempting to be more positive. And soon enough, my complaining was kept at a bare minimum, and oddly enough, I began to think twice before I made negative comments.
The moral of the story is this: you can change the way you think; about yourself and other people. You just have to train your mind to do so.
Example #3: Jon loves lists. Sometimes he uses them to be more productive at work or more proficient at home, other times he just does it for the fun of it. It's one of those quirky endearing qualities that he has that I'll surprisingly miss if God forbid he is taken from me. ALL of his lists are goals, disguised as ideas, errands, or simple daily tasks. Over the past year, Jon would often make lists of dreams we had for ourselves. Sometimes they would be lists of personal businesses we would own if given the opportunity or time. Mine would always result in an idea for a cupcake shop. I LOVE cupcakes. It is and forever will be my one weakness. But I never took the thought seriously. I just felt like there was no time, no opportunity, and quite frankly, that I would be motivated enough to do it. Fast forward a year from that first list he made and wouldn't you know it, I run a cupcake business. Now I'm not buying a Ferrari anytime soon, but I earn enough to cover my wal-mart trips each week and I provide a service to a few people that I can be really proud of.
And what I've now come to the realization of is this: my husband didn't want me to get a job, he wanted me to get a life. One that existed outside of him and our boys because he knew it would give me an identity. And along with that would come pride, self-worth, and an opportunity to be a productive member of the community.
All of this is a product of Jon's ability to help me change the way I think about myself. But it's tough. There are still mornings that I have to stand in front of the mirror and pull a Stuart Smalley. "I'm smart, I'm good looking, and gosh darnit, people like me." You'll laugh and you'll feel silly, but I promise you you'll believe that for a portion of the day. And as long as that feeling lasts, you'll be happy and more productive than you would have been otherwise. Reprogramming the way you think can take a little bit of time but will soon become habit and a natural way of being.
So whatever your goal may be, you must know in your mind that you can do it, or you won't. And you tell yourself that you can, until it becomes your own personal truth.
Quote of the Day: "Cultivate virtue in yourself, and virtue will be real."- Tao
Song of the Day: Dancing Nancies- Dave Matthews
No comments:
Post a Comment