Today: 6 miles in 1:18. Look, I know it's not great, but it's great for me. My first 10k I finished in 1:34. There I said it. But the point is, it's good for me. Training is going great. I've never felt so good physically, minus when I was pregnant. ( I was one of those women that pregnancy had the opposite effect on: I lost weight, my skin was flawless and I felt completely sane, go figure.) I know I've still got a long way to go but I'm following my program and this is my third week in (which should be noted that this is the longest I've followed any program...ever.) SO now that my confessions are out there for the week, let's talk. I want to start off by saying thank you to the plethora of emails and messages I've received over the last few weeks from friends, old and new, encouraging me on my journey. I can't begin to describe how much it has meant to know that people care about me reaching this goal. I've heard from friends that I haven't heard from in over a decade, and even made new ones along the way. It absolutely helps me to stay motivated, but more importantly, I feel loved.
So when I accidentally overheard some negative comments about me, at first, I took it with a grain of salt. My oh so wise mentor guru person always says "other people cannot make you FEEL anything....you control how you react to other's actions and words....you are in complete control of your emotions." Now this has by far been the hardest lesson I've had to learn. I'm still not totally convinced it's entirely doable, but oh how wonderful it would be if I could practice this philosophy. Now as I discussed before, I laid much blame on others for poor choices I made during a decade of my life that I would just as soon forget than revisit. So this theory has been a hard one for me to swallow. I had to accept blame for every choice, every action I put forth during that time. Needless to say, I'm still coming to terms with this idea. So when I was faced with how to react to this negativity, I had a hard time controlling how I felt about it. I tried not to allow my feelings to be hurt. I tried real hard. And I just couldn't do it. Have you ever actually HEARD someone say something negative about you? It sucks. It sucks Real hard. And while I wanted so badly to not allow it to affect me, I ended up laying in bed the other morning daydreaming about doughnuts and dying/cutting my hair to look like Winona's in Girl Interrupted. And no matter how hard I tried to reflect upon all that I had accomplished in the last two weeks and all the uplifting things that were said to me, I just felt defeated; by simple words that were trivial and held no meaning. It's like in the movie Pretty Woman... Edward: You are a very bright, very special woman. Vivian: The hard stuff is easier to believe. Have you ever noticed that?? This is completely true when all knowledge and reason says it shouldn't be. But it is. And here in lies the problem with my guru's theory. No matter how hard you try, sometimes you can't control how you feel.
Fast Forward to ESPN's 30 on 30 series with Kyle Maynard. Kyle Maynard is an accomplished high school wrestler with dreams of becoming an MMA fighter. Oh, AND HE WAS BORN WITH NO ARMS AND LEGS BELOW THE ELBOWS OR KNEES! Now this man's aspirations alone are worthy of a Hollywood movie and book deal. But this guy is seriously trying to enter a sport that requires full on contact with all four of your limbs AND requires you to be in as good a shape as some Olympic athletes. Now this guy has not only faced adversity physically, but it took him a few years before he could even convince anyone to let him fight. Everywhere he turned, people told him to his face that what he was doing was impossible and even ridiculous. He was laughed at, mocked, and told repeatedly, "YOU CAN'T DO THIS". But you know what...the guy was in better shape than Usain Bolt in Beijing and he fought that first MMA fight that resulted in a decision. He triumphed...greatly, to say the very least. Now....let that soak in a minute......do you think HE has to have an internal conversation with himself when he hears someone say something bad about him????? I'm ridiculous.
Send some good juju to your friends, family, and strangers this week. And think twice before you say something bad about someone.
Quote of the Day: "The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt." - Max Lerner
Song of the Day: Carry on Wayward Son - Kansas
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