Today:
Last long run before the race. 10 miles in 2 hours and 11 minutes. I feel pretty good other than my butt hurts. Which is weird because it hasn't hurt, ever. Maybe this means I've just now ran off enough fat to actually begin to work that muscle back there, and today was the first day that the muscle has actually moved. That's a good probability. The hard part for me hasn't been the distance, but sustaining a good, consistent jog for longer than 2 miles. The first two miles are still so awkward for me. I trip, my legs and feet feel weighted and crooked and I simply can't find my rhythm. But once I get into the third mile, I start feeling like FloJo (minus the nails.) Side note: after she suddenly and tragically passed away, her husband, a couple of years after her death, still paid her cell phone bill, just so he could call and hear her voice. Just one of those insignificant yet beautiful little bits of information that my brain retains on the off chance that her name gets brought up, which I did myself. Awesome.
So today was my last long run, and I did it. Yes, I got tired. Yes, I thought about quitting and going to Shipley's, but I didn't. I spent a lot of time today thinking about the last five months. About how difficult it was and still is at times, to just run. It's freaking hard. I thought about the program that I followed. I am absolutely proud to say that I followed a running program for five months. Five months straight?? No. I didn't run every time I was supposed to. I took at least two and a half weeks off at Christmas. And some days I would look at that calendar and say kiss my arse Hal Higdon. Some days I even gave it the finger. But I did stick with it. Do I wish I was more diligent and committed? Absolutely. But at this point, I have no regrets.
My feelings about the race:
I'm confident. And then I'm not. I think "there's no way I'm not going to finish." And then I think "crap, what if I don't finish." I swear somedays I think I'm bipolar.
Regarding the race, I know that the only thing I have to worry about that day is myself. Like Fabio said this week on "Top Chef": You are the only shadow standing in the way of your sunshine. At the time it sounded ridiculous (albeit sexy in the Italian accent; am still bummed he went home) but it completely made sense to me once I started thinking about the different ways this race can play out. I'm probably going to feel super pumped getting up at 3 am and getting to my corral. I'm going to be wicked emotional filming my pre-race interview with the fam, and I'm going to ugly face cry when I hear the music and see the fireworks for the start. And then I'm going to see those beautiful hard bodied runners and once again, just like the Turkey Trot day, I'm going to come down with a big ole case of erectile dysfunction or erunner dysfunction (there should be a word.) Outside of some physical catastrophe that keeps me from finishing, it really does all depend on if I can stay strong enough, mentally, to finish.
This week:
I'm going to spend a lot of time in reflection (with the Tao), a lot of time looking at my life and figuring out how and why I've come to this moment, a lot of time focusing on why I want to run this race. I want to run for myself; so I can be proud of something I've accomplished outside of children and husbandry and to achieve something that seemed completely unattainable. I want to run for my Jack; because he has taught me that nothing is impossible, that we are all capable of doing the one thing we thought we never would do. I want to run for my husband, because he has helped me to realize my potential. I want to run for my little George, because he's going to be the athlete of the family and I already can't keep up with him. I want to run because I know that there a few people out there who think I can't do it. And I want to moon them. And I also want to run because it will make my butt smaller. (All your reasons don't have to be life altering or Ghandi-ish.)
Song of the Day: Leave Out All the Rest - Linkin Park
Quote of the Day:
"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." - Lao Tzu
"Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself." - William Faulkner
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
Day 104: The Elephant in the Room
8 miles. One hour and 44 minutes.
Look, I don't post this stuff anymore because I'm sick of saying "well, it's a good time for me.....I should just focus on the fact that I'm actually running and not worry about time..etc...etc..."
I know I'm slow. And it doesn't look like it's getting any faster. But as long as I'm under that 15 minute pace, I really could care less. But I'm actually pretty proud of this one. We went to the park so there were no distractions. No momma's house to stop in for a 20 minute potty/peanut butter and crackers visit. No my house to stop for water and get "distracted" by children and the bed. No neighbors that I all of a sudden felt the urge to chat with for 15 minutes. Just me, the road, and the skaters. And the people parking. As in parking doing things they probably shouldn't be. It was kind of exciting to figure out the relations that were going on around me. Anyway,
I felt pretty good. No aches and no puking. And I finished. 8 miles. I could end this journey now and say that I did something I honestly thought I would never do. But I will carry on. And I will triumph (pumping my fist in the air...ala Meg Ryan in French Kiss.)
Quotes of the Day:
Time is making fools of us again. - J.K. Rowling (for Kelly)
Clocks slay time...time is dead as long as it is being clicked off by little wheels; only when the clock stops does time come to life. - William Faulkner
Song of the Day: Break on Through - The Doors
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Day 99: G is for Goodbye
I have a friend. His name is Garyon. He's a singer, dancer, actor, superstar, Oprah loving big ole piece of fabulousness. He is also moving to San Antonio on Friday. And curiously enough, miss mental basket o fries here is not sad. I couldn't be happier for him. He is going to a place where he will be afforded opportunities that he can not find here in the metropolis of Tupelo.
This blog is usually about self-realizations, aha moments, spirituality, goals and aspirations, mixed in with some discussion about bladder control and boobs, and occasionally about running. Garyon has given me insight on all of the above. With the hope that I do not embarrass him and in honor of his passing (through), I'd like to share the reasons that I love and will miss, my friend Garyon.
Garyon has taught me:
1. Never stop working at making yourself a better person. Always work at it. It always needs it.
2. Never stop soul searching. There is a reason you say, do, believe, react to, and think about everything; in your world and the outside world. Figure it out, and figure out if it is right.
3. Even though you are a good, intelligent, responsible person, you can lose your best friend's pet while house sitting for a month.
4. Don't judge. Not your parents. Not your neighbor. Not that girl wearing only a corset and something that should have been a skirt but obviously shrunk in the drier. Only yourself. Judge only yourself and leave the rest to a higher power.
5. Always shake what your momma gave you.
6. That while it's not ok to act like you did when you were 21, you can still have fun in da club.
7. Never give up on your dreams. Big or small, they are always attainable. You just have to believe and work.
8. Always be true to who you are.
9. Love yourself.
10. Spread the sunshine. It's contagious.
Good-bye Garyon.
My short insight on running for the week:
I ran on a treadmill for the first time yesterday. Wow. I freaked out. I've settled in to averaging a good (for me, for me)12 minute mile. On that dangblasted treadmill, I couldn't beat a 15. What the H?? But apparently, thanks to a desperate google about the Garmin versus the treadmill and an email to Lynn, I found out that this is pretty common. (?) And if you think it's not common, please don't tell me about it.
I also learned that the only way I can stay motivated to stay on the freaking thing, was if the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders Making the Squad show was on. That being said, that show should totally be outlawed.
Good-bye treadmill.
And finally, something big happened this week. So big, I still can't even grasp the bigness of it. Most of you know our four year old son Jack. He is autistic. He only began to speak 5 months ago. He has made so much progress in these last 6 months that it has changed the way I see and hope for his future. When he was born.....oh screw it
HE PEEPEED IN THE POTTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good-bye diapers.
Song of the Day: Good Day Sunshine - The Beatles
Quote of the Day: Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile - Mother Theresa (she was referring to Garyon.)
This blog is usually about self-realizations, aha moments, spirituality, goals and aspirations, mixed in with some discussion about bladder control and boobs, and occasionally about running. Garyon has given me insight on all of the above. With the hope that I do not embarrass him and in honor of his passing (through), I'd like to share the reasons that I love and will miss, my friend Garyon.
Garyon has taught me:
1. Never stop working at making yourself a better person. Always work at it. It always needs it.
2. Never stop soul searching. There is a reason you say, do, believe, react to, and think about everything; in your world and the outside world. Figure it out, and figure out if it is right.
3. Even though you are a good, intelligent, responsible person, you can lose your best friend's pet while house sitting for a month.
4. Don't judge. Not your parents. Not your neighbor. Not that girl wearing only a corset and something that should have been a skirt but obviously shrunk in the drier. Only yourself. Judge only yourself and leave the rest to a higher power.
5. Always shake what your momma gave you.
6. That while it's not ok to act like you did when you were 21, you can still have fun in da club.
7. Never give up on your dreams. Big or small, they are always attainable. You just have to believe and work.
8. Always be true to who you are.
9. Love yourself.
10. Spread the sunshine. It's contagious.
Good-bye Garyon.
My short insight on running for the week:
I ran on a treadmill for the first time yesterday. Wow. I freaked out. I've settled in to averaging a good (for me, for me)12 minute mile. On that dangblasted treadmill, I couldn't beat a 15. What the H?? But apparently, thanks to a desperate google about the Garmin versus the treadmill and an email to Lynn, I found out that this is pretty common. (?) And if you think it's not common, please don't tell me about it.
I also learned that the only way I can stay motivated to stay on the freaking thing, was if the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders Making the Squad show was on. That being said, that show should totally be outlawed.
Good-bye treadmill.
And finally, something big happened this week. So big, I still can't even grasp the bigness of it. Most of you know our four year old son Jack. He is autistic. He only began to speak 5 months ago. He has made so much progress in these last 6 months that it has changed the way I see and hope for his future. When he was born.....oh screw it
HE PEEPEED IN THE POTTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good-bye diapers.
Song of the Day: Good Day Sunshine - The Beatles
Quote of the Day: Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile - Mother Theresa (she was referring to Garyon.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)