1. I've never kept one. Ever. And I don't know many people who have. It's the most wonderful time of the year where people set unrealistic goals for themselves and become couch ridden with depression come mid February when they haven't lost 5 of those 20 pounds and their skinny jeans are still hanging in the same spot in the closet. Where they've been for 7 years.
2. There is no "new" you. There is only a better you. I hear people say "I've always felt like a skinny girl in a fat girl's body." I don't understand this notion. I've always felt like a moderately overweight girl in a moderately overweight girl's body who was out of shape, angry, and unhappy. The wrapping will always match the package.
3. I started this journey back in October so come January, I wouldn't have to fool with this crap.
What I do need is a "rededication". (No offense to the southern baptists.) During the last two weeks I haven't completely gone off the wagon, (or is it on the wagon?) I never went longer than 5 days without a run. But I've completely abandoned my program. And abandoned any resemblance of a healthy eating standard. Yes it was the holidays but still, no excuses; Which is my new motto by the by. Last night I ran for three miles. But it was a tough 3, which it should not have been, obviously. My breathing was hard, I could never find my rhythm, and oh, I PUKED. Which I'm kind of proud of but I felt like it was my body saying make up your ever loving mind: either be a healthy person and eat right and run or don't be and every time you do run it's going to suck donkey balls.
I woke up yesterday morning needing some mega motivation. I had cupcakes and beer the night before, both in less than moderation. I needed forgiveness and motivation. I was in front of the computer. I typed in inspiration for runners. I came across a website "bendoeslife.com". If you have time, then do it. This guy lost 120 pounds in one year, all from running. It was awesome. He has a blog and does web videos. (I think there's a cooler name for those but I'm still not tech savvy enough to know.) His motto is: if you want to do something, then do it. Simple I know, but isn't this really the "secret" that we're all looking for? As I was browsing/crying thru his journal, I came across another blog: jonathandoeslife. Lo and behold, this guy is from Starkville, has the same birthday as I do (not important but serendipitous things tickle me) and just ran his first marathon. Needless to say I found all the motivation I needed to clear my head of the excuses, the thoughts of failure and pessimism, and the ability to forgive myself for the pecan pies and cupcakes over the last 2 weeks and move forward.
So here we are 4 days before the new year. My goals are still in tact. My half-marathon is 9 weeks away. But my ultimate goal here is not the half-marathon. It's not to lose 20 more pounds (which...all right it is).
But it's ultimately to become the healthy, happy, "better" version of myself that I know would enjoy life so much more. The version of me that will be a better mother and wife. The version of me that doesn't open the closet door and hear the demonic voice taunting me from the corner where I keep the skinny clothes. Why don't I throw those out? They really have been there 7 years.
Quote of the Day: "Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing." - Abraham Lincoln
Songs of the Day: We Drank A Toast to Innocence - Dan Fogelberg (Best New Years Song hands down) AND Life - Our Lady Peace
I love We Drank a Toast to Innocence thanks to you - it is one of the ones you sent me for my 30th b-day mix:-)
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