Day 58: Happy No New Years Resolution Day!

I've been thinking long and hard about the upcoming new year. Will I make a new year's resolution? I'm thinking not. Here's why:
1. I've never kept one. Ever. And I don't know many people who have. It's the most wonderful time of the year where people set unrealistic goals for themselves and become couch ridden with depression come mid February when they haven't lost 5 of those 20 pounds and their skinny jeans are still hanging in the same spot in the closet. Where they've been for 7 years.
2. There is no "new" you. There is only a better you. I hear people say "I've always felt like a skinny girl in a fat girl's body." I don't understand this notion. I've always felt like a moderately overweight girl in a moderately overweight girl's body who was out of shape, angry, and unhappy. The wrapping will always match the package.
3. I started this journey back in October so come January, I wouldn't have to fool with this crap.
What I do need is a "rededication". (No offense to the southern baptists.) During the last two weeks I haven't completely gone off the wagon, (or is it on the wagon?) I never went longer than 5 days without a run. But I've completely abandoned my program. And abandoned any resemblance of a healthy eating standard. Yes it was the holidays but still, no excuses; Which is my new motto by the by. Last night I ran for three miles. But it was a tough 3, which it should not have been, obviously. My breathing was hard, I could never find my rhythm, and oh, I PUKED. Which I'm kind of proud of but I felt like it was my body saying make up your ever loving mind: either be a healthy person and eat right and run or don't be and every time you do run it's going to suck donkey balls.
I woke up yesterday morning needing some mega motivation. I had cupcakes and beer the night before, both in less than moderation. I needed forgiveness and motivation. I was in front of the computer. I typed in inspiration for runners. I came across a website "bendoeslife.com". If you have time, then do it. This guy lost 120 pounds in one year, all from running. It was awesome. He has a blog and does web videos. (I think there's a cooler name for those but I'm still not tech savvy enough to know.) His motto is: if you want to do something, then do it. Simple I know, but isn't this really the "secret" that we're all looking for? As I was browsing/crying thru his journal, I came across another blog: jonathandoeslife. Lo and behold, this guy is from Starkville, has the same birthday as I do (not important but serendipitous things tickle me) and just ran his first marathon. Needless to say I found all the motivation I needed to clear my head of the excuses, the thoughts of failure and pessimism, and the ability to forgive myself for the pecan pies and cupcakes over the last 2 weeks and move forward.
So here we are 4 days before the new year. My goals are still in tact. My half-marathon is 9 weeks away. But my ultimate goal here is not the half-marathon. It's not to lose 20 more pounds (which...all right it is).
But it's ultimately to become the healthy, happy, "better" version of myself that I know would enjoy life so much more. The version of me that will be a better mother and wife. The version of me that doesn't open the closet door and hear the demonic voice taunting me from the corner where I keep the skinny clothes. Why don't I throw those out? They really have been there 7 years.
Quote of the Day: "Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing." - Abraham Lincoln
Songs of the Day: We Drank A Toast to Innocence - Dan Fogelberg (Best New Years Song hands down) AND Life - Our Lady Peace

Day 50: The Christmas Wish according to a Slacker

Hello friends. Long time no see. Yes I'm still here. No I haven't given up the good fight. Thank you for your inquiries. I've just been slacking. And at Disney World for a week. And fighting a house full of stomach viruses. And Christmas shopping and decorating. You know, the usual good excuses. But that's what they are at the end of the day...excuses.
The day after the Jingle Bell Jog we left for our week long Christmas trip to Disney. I was on my runner's high from the race. It felt good. It felt real good. I knew I would feel better on this trip than in year's past because I had been exercising, lost a little bit of weight and had been super productive for the last month and a half. I was also looking forward to being one of those people that I've always made fun of who go on vacation and go jogging in the morning. I mean, at Disney world you're walking at least 5 miles a day thru the parks. Why jog before you start that journey? This always perplexed me. And made me laugh. But this trip, I was actually looking forward to doing that; to running in the place where my big moment in February will take place.
And guess what? I didn't do it once. The day would come and go. I would think "I walked at least 5 or 6 miles today. I've got kids who are either asleep or dirty and need to be asleep. I have no time or need for jogging." So I didn't. And while at the time those excuses seemed completely valid and reasonable, it was still an excuse. We returned home on the 14th. Today is the 20th. I've jogged twice. Twice.
Over the last 3 days I've noted out loud the list of things that had to be accomplished for the day: Christmas presents, filling cupcake orders, baths, and a run. And the run just never comes. But I always have a good excuse. But it's still an excuse. And why is it that we can always make an excuse in the face of doing something that we know will make us feel good?
I've been obsessing over this thought for the last week. I just got to watch the season finale of Biggest Loser last night at 2 in the morning as I baked blueberry muffins for work parties. Best show on TV hands down. Year after year, it's the same story, yet I never tire of it. These people, while all under different circumstances, make the same poor choice to completely let themselves go. Every time I watch the show I think "I would never allow that to happen to me." But you know what? Those people said the same thing to themselves when they realized they were 50 pounds overweight. When they were 75 pounds overweight they said "Oh it's time for a change." When they reached 100 pounds overweight, they tried again to make a better choice. But couldn't. They always had an excuse. Whether valid ones or not, they're all still just excuses. And at some point, every person on that show has been at the same point that I'm currently at: 25 pounds overweight and trying to turn over a new leaf. And quite honestly, that scares the shat out of me. Why is it, that something I know will make me feel better, look better, and effect my entire family in a positive manner, takes a back row seat to everything else? Why is it so hard to make that a priority? Why is it so hard to eat oatmeal in the morning instead of doughnuts? Why is it that I'll exert more effort squeezing into the "dress up" girdle instead of just spending an extra 20 minutes exercising? Why is it that an hour of running is at the bottom of my to do list for the day? If I knew the answer to these questions and how to overcome it, I'd be rich, svelte, and  I would hold the key to the universal weight loss problem.
I said in one of my recent posts that I was enjoying running. I knew it felt funny when I wrote it but I just thought it was because it was still new to me. But as I read blogs and magazines and facebook updates about running, I realize that I don't love it. Not like these people do that run 7-10 miles a day. But my new found friend (and kindred spirit) Beth helped me to realize that I, in fact, don't enjoy running. But I really really like how it makes me feel afterwards; how I feel after I've completed a race or a weekend long run and when I've realized that I've met a milestone or goal or improved my time. These are the things that I enjoy, not the act of running itself. I'm wondering if that will come with time or is it all about the end effect?
Either way, I know I have to do it in order to A)succeed at my goal of completing a half marathon in February, and B)to lose weight, which I need to continue to do in order to complete task A and be happy with myself.
My philosophy has always been to take everything one day at a time; whether it's running, eating right, taking care of kids, or on the road to recovery. You start each day a new, with new goals, and a new mindset and don't worry about what happened yesterday. We can only change and be responsible for the present.
So my Christmas Wish this year, other than health, happiness, and world domination err peace, is to figure out why the hell we sabotage ourselves from reaching our fitness and weight loss goals. Or is it just me that does this? And my goal today is to put the run back at the top of my daily to do list. And I'm in a wicked meditative mood today so I'm throwing some extra quotes out there to ensure my personal success today.
Here's wishing you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and everything in between.
P.S. Do atheists celebrate Christmas? Just wondering
Quotes of the Day:
1. One day at a time - this is enough.  Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone: and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come.  Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering. - Ida Scott Taylor
2. Nothing is impossible; there are ways that lead to everything, and if we had sufficient will we should always have sufficient means. It is often merely for an excuse that we say things are impossible. - Francois De La Rochefoucauld
3. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. - My mother, and I'm sure every other southern baptist christian woman
Song of the Day: Wave on Wave - by Pat green

Day 36: Here Comes the Sun

 It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood today friend and I've got nothing but good things to report. No cussing, no complaining, no referencing porn stars or gross things. It's finally cold out, non-stop Christmas music is on the radio and I leave for the happiest place on earth in 3 days. So things are good in the hood today.
I want to thank everyone for last week's overwhelming show of support in the face of my debacle that was the Thanksgiving 5k err 10k run. I also want to say a huge Thank you to the members of the Tupelo Running Club. You were very patient and extremely kind and gracious to me and I continue to have nothing but the utmost respect and highest praise for you all.
So this week I received my first Christmas present of the year. A Garmin Forerunner watch. This thing keeps up with everything; distance, pace, course, heart rate. I'm pretty sure it will tell me when I need to pee if I could only figure out which button it was. I love it! I put that big sucker on my wrist and I felt like Magnum P.I. Up until this point, I've been relying on the Cardiotrainer program on my phone to record my distances and pace. While sometimes I've questioned the validity of the information it was recording, I've never really wanted to know because if it was off, it was always off to my advantage. Remember that 11 minute mile? Well, I decided Thursday evening to workout with both the watch and the phone so I could compare the results. After my first mile, I looked at my phone: 1 mile in 10.5 minutes. The Garmin watch: .75 miles in 10 minutes. Ugh. So there's that.
I continued my workout. I started to run while I planned out in my head the juicy email that I was going to send to the Cardiotrainer people. I mean, a quarter of a mile error range is pretty freaking, I mean, pretty stinking big! Especially when I know that come race day, if I can't stay below a 15 minute mile, that Mickey Mouse golf cart is going to come and "sweep" me off the course and I will not receive my Tiara medal and I will be piiissse...........sad. I will be sad. No cussing Lisa, no cussing.
I carried on, running/walking through the night. I stopped off at my parents house for a water break. My dad asks: "So Lisa, how far are you running non-stop?" I said a mile. He says "didn't you say the same thing when I asked you that 2 weeks ago?" I said yes.
I went back out on the road. Time is 10:02 at night. I tried again. To run. To run further than a mile and not feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. It's not my legs. My legs are good. It's the breathing. I'm completely out of breath at the end of a mile. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? I began to cry. Not the ugly face cry. Just the sad, defeated cry. I began to think back to all of those articles I read by Jim Galloway. You know when you want to start something and you spend a month "researching" that thing so you'll have all the information you need to be successful and then you realize that you're really just using that as an excuse to put off that said thing you want to start and you realized you've procrastinated long enough that you don't even want to begin? I almost did that with the running. But I was thinking back to an article I read about building endurance. Jim Galloway said "If you can't hold a conversation when you're running, then you are going too fast."
My first instinct was, seriously Lisa, yeah YOU are going too fast. But then I decided to slow down. Slow way down. And you know what, I realized that this whole time, for the last six weeks, I've been  sprinting. bleeping sprinting. I am such. a. dope.
But guess what? I jogged for the next 3 miles.....without stopping. Me. Pretty face cry ensues. I could hear the Chariots of Fire music in my head. It then turned into the most awesome african-american gospel choir's version of "Oh Happy Day." I didn't get in until after 11 that night. I slept well. I had finally figured out how to run.
What made this revelation oh so sweeter was the fact that Saturday morning was the day of the Jingle bell Jog 5k. It preceded the Tupelo Christmas Parade so it was a big deal for me. I knew that there would be lots of people there on the race and parade route. My friends and family would see me and it would be the first actual race I've participated in since I began my journey as a runner. Before Thursday nights eureka moment, I was not looking forward to it. In fact, I had already begun my excuse building method. After the turkey trot fiasco, I just did not want to be embarrassed again. But now, armed with my realization that I can indeed run for a lengthy (for me) amount of time, I was excited.
Saturday morning I donned my Christmas socks and Santa Minnie hat and I jogged my first race. I jogged for 3 miles. I didn't come in last. I also didn't come in 1-50 to get my free ornament but I digress. I heard people cheer my name. My husband was there with his trusty movie camera. And my boys told everyone else there that "Momma won the race." I did indeed.
While I celebrate my mild achievement, I've also kept perspective this week. I had friends that completed the St. Jude marathon this weekend. Congratulations to all of you and thank you for being my inspiration and my heroes.
Quote of the Day: "Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going." - Jim Ryun who once held the world record for the fastest mile at 3:51.1
Song of the Day: Here Comes the Sun - the Beatles