Have you heard the new Bruno Mars song? "When I was Your Man"- I love it. It speaks to my girly parts. I'm speaking of course of my heart (get your mind out of the gutter). I love the tune and the melody, but the lyrics speak to me on an intimate level. Not because I have an ex out there who I secretly hope feels this way. Ok yeah I do, but the reason I love it is because it speaks to that part of me that hopes to have no regrets in the future. I have many regrets about my past. Some people say, "I have no regrets, you just learn from your mistakes." Quite frankly, I think they're full of shat. I don't want to look at my past failures or bad decisions fondly and turn them into a lovely blemish on the face of reality. They were and still are, a pain in my ass. But a pain that I welcome because it reminds me of where I've been and where I'm going and how to get there without ending up in therapy or rehab or jail or the doghouse. While I'm thankful and happy about where my life has led me in the present day, there are many things that I wish I had done differently. Things I wish I had done and not done at all.
I'm a vibrant, young 35. And by God I don't want to be 45 and think, 'man I really wish I would have gotten in shape when I was 35. Man, I really wish I wasn't still wearing maternity pants even though my youngest is 10. Man, I wish I could have kicked that donut and Mountain Dew habit.' And because I think about this daily, because I constantly tell myself that I don't want to be 45 or even 35 and a half and wish I had been able to do it, that today, May 10, I've been doing it for a month and a half. I'm in shape...err better shape, no maternity pants, and my lips haven't experienced the sweet ecstasy of a Shipley's anything in more than 2 menstrual cycles. I'm down 15 pounds, I'm planking without falling, and I've successfully trained for the gum tree without a doubt that I'll finish and finish strong. Tomorrow will be the first race that I wasn't scared of not finishing, and that feels freakin awesome. The only thing left to fear is the heat, the weather, and turning down drinks that are not water from my many peeps that will be lounging in their front yards on the course.
This race is kind of a big deal for me. It's only the second time I've run it. The first was 2010. I was depressed, overweight, and just lost. We were in the middle of dealing with Jack's many a diagnoses and George was 6 months old and I struggled with enjoying his time as a baby and analyzing his every move: how was his eye contact? his mobility? his facial expressions? It was a bittersweet time and I resented the fact that I couldn't fully enjoy the act of raising a newborn due to my fear and expectations of a disorder that I was just learning about. So when May rolled around, I decided one morning, on a whim, to register for the Gumtree. I hadn't been walking, much less running. But I needed to do something. Something to snap myself out of the black hole that I was inhabiting. I made the decision to do it pushing both the boys in the double stroller- for 2 reasons: to use them as my motivation and inspiration, and in the hopes that people would say "aww, look at her pushing her boys, it's ok that she came in last." (I didn't actually come in last. There were some sweet old ladies who had survived cancer together who walked across that finish line with me). But that day set forth in motion the long, sweet and sucky journey that led me to running half-marathons and blogging about the mess that is my life. So tomorrow will be a culmination of the last three years. I won't be afraid of not finishing. (I hope) I won't be afraid of running in the daylight where people can see me. I hope the cute cops on McCollough will cheer me on for that last mile. And to top it all off, I get to do it with my sister. My best friend. My mule.
SO when you hear that Bruno Mars song, think to yourself, "I'm gonna do all the things I should have done- in life". Screw the man. I bet he didn't give flowers or hold the hand of the next girlfriend either, dumbass. That's why you're the ex.
Quote of the Day: "A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams."- John Barrymore
Song of the Day: "Hurt" - Johnny Cash
Friday, May 10, 2013
Monday, April 29, 2013
Perspective
Good things happened this past week, along with some very big firsts.
My family threw me a race-themed birthday party, complete with all my medals, race pics, and race quotes scattered around the kitchen. We feasted on grilled chicken and salad. I then did something I've never done: I had one piece of strawberry cake and we threw away the rest. It felt good, but don't think I wasn't contemplating pulling a George Costanza and digging it out of the garbage for a second go 'round.
Another first: I ran in the am as opposed to 10 at night. I got up at 5:30 and actually ran in the morning, watching the sun come up. It was a beautiful and enjoyable experience and I made progress on the whole phobia-of-running-where-people can-see-me thing. And it will come in handy in two weeks when the Gumtree gets here. More on that fear when the time comes.
I completed the first month of Kickstarter. My ending numbers were good. I shed a few pounds, a few inches from the mid-section, hips and thighs, and shaved off over a minute from my magic mile. I signed up for another month beginning this week and I'm looking forward to seeing more progress. I thoroughly enjoyed the camaraderie and support received from the teachers and women in that group and it has absolutely helped keep me focused and motivated. We concluded with "Burpees for Boston" in the park where we did a burpee for each injured and five for each death. We rounded up to 200 and did it in teams. And I survived. And I was proud. And I couldn't walk the next day. But I was happy.
My husband and I got to see a Dave Matthews concert Saturday. The whole concert. Reminder: we went to a concert in Atlanta a few years ago. And due to the fact that we had children and I was breastfeeding, we made it to the concert that night just in time to see the ENCORE. It was awesome and we weren't pissed at all (sarcasm font). SO we redeemed ourselves and got there early and pretended to be 21 again and I laughed at all the women wearing heels in the mud.
See? Me laughing at all the women wearing heels in the mud, and double fisting my......water. Yeah that's water with limes. I was really thirsty :)
We also celebrated a huge accomplishment for Jack, my six year old. As many of you know, my Jack is autistic. And sweet and kind and quirky and cool. At the beginning of this school year, Jack still couldn't write. He couldn't draw or color. He couldn't even hold a crayon or pencil with enough force to do anything. But after much work with his teachers, Jack learned to draw. He learned to color. And his artwork was displayed at the Gumtree Art Museum this week. I can't begin to express the amount of gratitude and pride I have. Jack continues to amaze and inspire me by learning to do the very things that he at some point, could not do.
We also had a field trip with Jack's class this week that I was blessed with being able to attend. His class, a special education class, went to a farm. Now I say this with the utmost respect and sensitivity to the issue as possible: everyone should be able to experience a day with special needs children. It will inspire you, give you perspective, and help you to see the joy and beauty in life and will make your problems seem so miniscule and trivial that you will feel guilty for ever complaining about anything. You don't want to exercise or run? Remember there are children who will never get the choice. You want to use your words to hurt someone or complain? Remember there are children with no voice, no ability to communicate their thoughts. You want to be grumpy? Remember, there are children who find the greatest joy by being outside, by petting a dog, or by simply being in the company of those that are different as well as similar to them. You don't want to support someone? I had the honor of experiencing a group of special needs children cheer and clap each time one of their classmates was able to sit atop a horse. These children can teach you everything you need to know in life: what's important, what's not important and how to live life to the fullest.
Do something this week to honor those in the world who can't. We owe it to them and to ourselves.
Quote of the day:
“It is a narrow mind which cannot look at a subject from various points of view.” - George Eliot
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.” - Abraham Lincoln
Song of the day:
"Always Look on the Bright Side of Life"- Monty Python- seriously go read the lyrics
My family threw me a race-themed birthday party, complete with all my medals, race pics, and race quotes scattered around the kitchen. We feasted on grilled chicken and salad. I then did something I've never done: I had one piece of strawberry cake and we threw away the rest. It felt good, but don't think I wasn't contemplating pulling a George Costanza and digging it out of the garbage for a second go 'round.
Another first: I ran in the am as opposed to 10 at night. I got up at 5:30 and actually ran in the morning, watching the sun come up. It was a beautiful and enjoyable experience and I made progress on the whole phobia-of-running-where-people can-see-me thing. And it will come in handy in two weeks when the Gumtree gets here. More on that fear when the time comes.
I completed the first month of Kickstarter. My ending numbers were good. I shed a few pounds, a few inches from the mid-section, hips and thighs, and shaved off over a minute from my magic mile. I signed up for another month beginning this week and I'm looking forward to seeing more progress. I thoroughly enjoyed the camaraderie and support received from the teachers and women in that group and it has absolutely helped keep me focused and motivated. We concluded with "Burpees for Boston" in the park where we did a burpee for each injured and five for each death. We rounded up to 200 and did it in teams. And I survived. And I was proud. And I couldn't walk the next day. But I was happy.
My husband and I got to see a Dave Matthews concert Saturday. The whole concert. Reminder: we went to a concert in Atlanta a few years ago. And due to the fact that we had children and I was breastfeeding, we made it to the concert that night just in time to see the ENCORE. It was awesome and we weren't pissed at all (sarcasm font). SO we redeemed ourselves and got there early and pretended to be 21 again and I laughed at all the women wearing heels in the mud.
See? Me laughing at all the women wearing heels in the mud, and double fisting my......water. Yeah that's water with limes. I was really thirsty :)
We also celebrated a huge accomplishment for Jack, my six year old. As many of you know, my Jack is autistic. And sweet and kind and quirky and cool. At the beginning of this school year, Jack still couldn't write. He couldn't draw or color. He couldn't even hold a crayon or pencil with enough force to do anything. But after much work with his teachers, Jack learned to draw. He learned to color. And his artwork was displayed at the Gumtree Art Museum this week. I can't begin to express the amount of gratitude and pride I have. Jack continues to amaze and inspire me by learning to do the very things that he at some point, could not do.
We also had a field trip with Jack's class this week that I was blessed with being able to attend. His class, a special education class, went to a farm. Now I say this with the utmost respect and sensitivity to the issue as possible: everyone should be able to experience a day with special needs children. It will inspire you, give you perspective, and help you to see the joy and beauty in life and will make your problems seem so miniscule and trivial that you will feel guilty for ever complaining about anything. You don't want to exercise or run? Remember there are children who will never get the choice. You want to use your words to hurt someone or complain? Remember there are children with no voice, no ability to communicate their thoughts. You want to be grumpy? Remember, there are children who find the greatest joy by being outside, by petting a dog, or by simply being in the company of those that are different as well as similar to them. You don't want to support someone? I had the honor of experiencing a group of special needs children cheer and clap each time one of their classmates was able to sit atop a horse. These children can teach you everything you need to know in life: what's important, what's not important and how to live life to the fullest.
Do something this week to honor those in the world who can't. We owe it to them and to ourselves.
Quote of the day:
“It is a narrow mind which cannot look at a subject from various points of view.” - George Eliot
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.” - Abraham Lincoln
Song of the day:
"Always Look on the Bright Side of Life"- Monty Python- seriously go read the lyrics
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
For Boston and the Sport
True story. During my first half marathon at Disney, I rounded the corner of mile 5 and took a walk break. I saw a woman in the crowd, a spectator by herself, and she yelled at me "what are you doing Lisa? You didn't come here to walk did you? Get moving!" Two things immediately went through my head: how do you know my name, and why the hell are you yelling at me? I stopped right in front of her. She put her hands on my shoulders and said "this is what you came here for! Run girl, you're doing great!" I high-fived her and I ran faster.
Another true story. At mile 6 of that same race, I got behind a fellow runner. She had a certifiable marathoner's body. Beautiful, long, and lean. A body that you mostly saw way ahead of my pack. And I noticed she was coughing. Coughing blood. And that's when I noticed that she was bald under her running cap. She was suffering from something terrible. Something I assumed to be cancer. She bowed out right before we reached the Magic Kingdom. I cried. Hard. Then a stranger yelled "Don't cry Lisa, you made it to the Magic Kingdom!" I cried harder and ran faster.
I then realized that's why they put your name on your bib. So spectators can cheer for you. People you don't know, who line the race route to cheer for their loved ones also cheer for everyone else in the race. It's a beautiful beautiful thing.
During that race, and every race since, I have been inspired by the circumstances of people that surround me. I've seen a couple running with t-shirts that say "We are running in memory of our Anna" with a picture of a beautiful toddler whose life was cut short by leukemia. I met a young couple who had written on their legs in markers "We are running in honor of our son with autism." I bonded with those people for a mile and we left each other in shared tears of pride, sorrow, and a renewed desire to succeed for our afflicted children. I've seen groups of women holding hands and crying, and while not knowing their exact reasoning, I was moved by their solidarity. I am brought almost to my knees whenever I see a runner in a wheelchair, some peddling with their arms because they are amputees.
During that race, and every race since, I have been inspired by the circumstances of people that surround me. I've seen a couple running with t-shirts that say "We are running in memory of our Anna" with a picture of a beautiful toddler whose life was cut short by leukemia. I met a young couple who had written on their legs in markers "We are running in honor of our son with autism." I bonded with those people for a mile and we left each other in shared tears of pride, sorrow, and a renewed desire to succeed for our afflicted children. I've seen groups of women holding hands and crying, and while not knowing their exact reasoning, I was moved by their solidarity. I am brought almost to my knees whenever I see a runner in a wheelchair, some peddling with their arms because they are amputees.
Everywhere you look you see stories of inspiration, loss and triumph. And this, quite simply stated, is the universal reason why people run races. Races celebrate the best of people. Whether its reaching goals, raising money for a good cause, running in honor or memory of someone; everyone has a story and a reason. And everyone has spectators cheering them on. Strangers and loved ones alike celebrate this trial with the runner. It's part of the magic and romance of a long distance race.
And this, this is the beauty that someone tried to kill on Monday. They didn't try to kill the people. The way the bombs were made they were meant to injure, to maim,and in a horrific twist of irony, meant to sever limbs. They set out to kill the human spirit. And to kill the beauty and majesty of the marathon.
But much like 9/11, these disasters thankfully have the opposite effect. We do indeed mourn the tragic loss of life. But terrorists haven't figured out that these acts cause a surge of spirit and patriotism and a renewed sense of strength and passion for the very thing they try to destroy.
I've always respected and admired the tenacity, drive and dedication of a runner. It's part of the reason why I want to be one when I grow up. Runners have to carry a constant level of discipline that you know carries over into every other aspect of their lives. I found it oddly inspiring to see runners so close to the explosion still cross the finish line and reach down to tap their garmin. That's dedication I thought. That's love and respect for the sport. A sport that will carry on and triumph through life and adversity and way past 26.2 miles.
Quote of the Day: "And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!"- William Wallace in Braveheart
Song of the Day:
"Carry on" - FUN
"Sweet Caroline" - Neil Diamond -->Go Red Sox!
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Kickstarter: Kicking my Butt
Coming to you from the Hyatt Hotel. Jackson, MS. 4:11 in the am. With the stomach bug. Yes it finally got me. I spent all week watching it hit every one of my boys, knowing that my time was near. And instead of complaining about it, I'm going to tell you the positives. #1- Since I can't sleep, I finally have time for a blog entry. #2- It reminds me that I'm needed. Call me crazy but when my children are sick, I'm comforted by the amount of need they have for me. Not just for meds, clean underwear and a timely puke bucket, but they need my comfort. My hugs. They look into my eyes and actually say "I need you mommy." My heart swells and I'm reminded how and why I love being a mom, even in the middle of out of control bodily functions. #3- For a day or two after the virus is over, I see a number on the scale that I haven't seen since I was 20, and that gives me a cheap thrill and makes me daydream about how proud I would be of myself if I actually earned that loss in weight instead of puking that loss in weight. And #4- That's it. There are no more positives to a stomach virus.
So, this week I feel the need to distinguish where I am exactly on the fitness scale as I start my journey. The bad news? It's pretty much at the bottom again. Where I started two years ago. The good news? Lets see, the good news.... I have no where to go but up (?) I found out I was pregnant last March. And that was the last time I ran, exercised, showed restraint at a buffet, etc. It is what it is. I needed help. Which is why I signed up for Kickstarter through the Crossfit in Tupelo. If any of you have looked into it on-line, it looks freakin scary right? But they have a boot camp just for women and we meet at the park three nights a week. And it's exactly what I needed. An organized, structured routine that kicks my arse into gear and into pain. Led by two super in-shape, super hot ladies who could be fitness models in a Title 9 catalog, they lead you in group, timed workouts that push you to your limits and are often partner-related that motivate you to go hard. The cool thing is the workouts actually only last about 20-30 minutes. But you go balls to the wall and fast for those 30 minutes. It helps with my accountability as well, which really is a powerful tool for anyone trying to get in shape.
The things I've learned my first week with Kickstarter:
1) If I survive this, I'll be smoking hot
2) I might not survive this
3) I have no-repeat NO ab muscles. I went to do a sit up and literally couldn't lift my torso.
4) because of #3 I reminded everyone there twice over that I just had my third baby a couple of months ago. Okay 4 maybe 5 months ago. Whatever
5) having a fitness model type measure your bare belly is a necessarily humbling experience (and no I'm not posting starting numbers. I know I want honesty and full disclosure but I'm not a masochist)
6) I would rather do braless jumping jacks than burpee broad jumps. Not that we do braless jumping jacks, I'm just using it as a point of reference.
**I was going to leave the previous paragraph as is. But after much deliberation with myself I've decided to stay true to the process, the spirit of the journey and my attempt at being real and include my beginning numbers. So it is with a heavy heart, an embarrassed mind and a hesitant hand that I give to you my starting measurements:
Weight: 158. That's right I said 158.
% of body fat: 32.3
BMI: 27.1
Arms: 11.5 (R) 11.25 (L)
Waist: 39 (I know right?)
Thighs: 20
There's just no explanation or discussion needed. It sucks. But that's what I'm here for right?
As part of the program, they also provide us with detailed meal plans that follow the Paleo diet. Honestly, it's time consuming recipes that aren't really conducive to working with three kids and barely making it to class at 6pm three nights a week. I pick two or three recipes to try each week and every other meal consists of foods from the prescribed list. But they arm you with all of the info needed to be successful. You definitely have to plan ahead. A unintentional plus to this program is it teaches you about time management and the importance of being prepared.
Look, I'm aware that I've probably bitten off more than I can chew. I'm aware that I should set my goals more incrementally. Someone told me this week, flat out, that I couldn't do it. And they may be right. And while I am a proponent of honesty, I'm also a huge believer in if you don't have goals, lofty or not, you got nothing. You're not progressing, not bettering yourself, not moving forward, you're just there-taking up space. And at least with this goal I'll be moving toward something that will make me better. It will make me stronger, fitter, leaner, and most importantly, wiser. I may not finish that race. But I'll try. And you know- I think with any goal, with anything you want to become, a good motto is 'Fake it till you make it.' This isn't a wise motto if you want to become a brain surgeon, but pretend to be a runner, actor, writer, happier, sober, nicer, etc. for a period of time, and eventually you will be. Yoda voice: you_will_be.
PS. We are officially registered for the Walt Disney World Marathon January 2014.
Quote of the day: "The future belongs to those who believe in their dreams." Eleanor Roosevelt
Song of the Day: I Won't Back Down- Tom Petty
Thursday, April 4, 2013
2nd
Installment of Born to Run…….
It’s been
two years ago this month that I posted my race day report to my 1st
half-marathon. A lot has happened since then. I’ve completed two more half-marathons;
another Disney Princess Half and a race in Santa Barbara that can only be
described as a torturous 13.1 mile mountain climb. We bought a new house, had
our 3rd baby boy, discovered Mumford & Sons, gracefully survived
some heartache and tragedy, and I’ve re-entered the work force as a paralegal
in my husband’s law office, completely disregarding the degree I earned in
favor of discovering the ever entertaining law of MS. We are all healthy, happy on
average four to five days out of the week, and moving right along in this thing
called my Gen X mid-life crisis.
I
begrudgingly decided on a second installment to this blog. I recently stopped
breastfeeding our newborn, Charlie. This time limiting it to three months
instead of the “Oh my God you breastfed how long?” time frame. I’m ready to be
active, healthy and set some goals to get rid of the three baby muffin top.
This year, we are coming out of the gate swinging. My husband and I, along with
some very dear and equally insane friends, have decided to do the full marathon
in January 2014 at Walt Disney World.
“But Lisa, you barely made it through the half!?”
“But Lisa, 26.2 is a helluva lot of miles!”
“But Lisa, you like cupcakes and beer too much!”
And I would
agree to all of the aforementioned concerns. But I’ve concluded this: It’s now
or never. My good friend Buddha says “The trouble is you think you have time.” We
don’t. No one does. We are all just aging, procrastinating amoebas who put
everything off until tomorrow. We also are unassured of that tomorrow. I’m 34 and I have a rather large bucket list. And
my current life motto is ‘Get busy living, or get busy dying” - Via Shawshank.
“But Lisa, you barely made it through the half!?”
“But Lisa, 26.2 is a helluva lot of miles!”
“But Lisa, you like cupcakes and beer too much!”
So here’s my
second mission, should I choose to accept it, which I have or I wouldn’t be
wasting our time. Train and actually run in a full marathon. I will keep this
blog as my journal. I’ll do this for two reasons: 1) Accountability- wow, the
fear of embarrassment is a powerful motivation. The few who read this blog the
first go round encouraged me, inspired me, called me out and kept my head in
the game. A game I would not have finished had it not been for the accountability
factor that this blog provided. The more people aware of my goals, the less
likely I am to fail. 2) This blog absolutely helped me emotionally. I accosted
some of my personal demons during the training process and writing them down
allowed me to explore and overcome some of those issues that had previously led
to my failures. It also allowed me to see just how often I thought about
Shipley donuts. It was my therapy, my compass, and at times an embarrassment to
myself and those around me.
This leads
me to the ground rules; Same as last time. 1) Update at least once a week. 2)
Be brutally honest. 3) Not apologize for being brutally honest. Many of you
that know me readily admit that I lack a verbal filter. At times it has cost
me- I’ve lost FB friends just this week due to a difference of opinion and lack
of decorum on my part. I lost readers of the last blog due to my oversharing
about boobage and bladders. But that’s
the beauty of the 1st Amendment. I can say what I feel. These are my
words, spoken freely and I do not edit. 4) I WILL talk about boobage, bodily
functions, curse words and child rearing problems. 5) I will not discuss
religion or politics. 6) I’ve invited my husband to contribute on occasion. We
are doing this race together and I’ve always secretly wished to have a
successful co-blog where he’s like Bill Simmons the Sportsguy who writes crazy
good, intelligent long reads and I’m the Sportsgal who only talks about useless
things like the Bachelor and trashy girls on trashy television and other really
useful topics. Because that’s kind of what we are in real life. He’s the yin to
my yang, the Sonny to my Cher, the Kanye to my Kim.
I’m excited
about this journey. There are already many plans for the month ahead. I’m
starting a kickstarter program through a local cross-fit this week. We have
trips and concerts on the calendar, along with a vasectomy and a breast
reduction that I cannot convey the amount of excitement I have for. (See? TMI
galore)
And so it
begins…. Time to pull out the double layers of bras, the body glide, the Stuart
Smalley pep talks and reach to the back of my closet for the running shoes. It
will be ugly, hard to watch and harder to read, but this will happen, one day,
one step, and one cuss word at a time.
Song of the
day: “Guess Who’s Back?” – Eminem
Quote of the
Day: “Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna
potate.”.- Mallory Davidson
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Race Day Report: Warning: Longer than the Best Supporting Actress Award presentation AKA pretty freaking long
Pretty Woman Quote, Edward:
"People's reactions to opera the first time they see it is very dramatic; they either love it or they hate it. If they love it, they will always love it. If they don't, they may learn to appreciate it, but it will never become part of their soul."
Replace the word "opera" with "running a long race" and that's how I feel today. On Sunday, I ran a race. The Disney's Princess Half-Marathon. And I finished. I didn't die. I didn't puke. I actually ran across the finish line. It was hard. It hurt. I saw a lot of people in pain and agony and a lot of people who didn't reach their goals that day. In fact, almost 17,000 people began the race. Less than 14,000 finished. That blasted Mickey Mouse golf cart did indeed exist. And it picked up a lot of women on Sunday morning. But by God, it didn't get me! I didn't even see it. Never had to look for it. It was a great day. I fell in love that day. Not with running, but with accomplishing goals. I realized it really had been a long time since I had done something that I was proud of, just because I wanted to.
I'm gonna break this thing down. Warning: I have a lot of information/emotions to discuss. A LOT. Proceed with caution. You've been warned.
Pre-Race:
Friday we went to the expo at the Wide World of Sports to pick up my race bib and information, be pixie-dusted, and to size up the competition. Now the most important thing to be noted here, I was scared of this expo. Probably more scared of this than the actual race. This was going to be what determined my outlook going into Sunday. I'm sure I need not remind you of the Turkey Trot fiasco. The morning of that run, I had a complete mental breakdown just based purely on the fact that I was surrounded by beautiful, hard-bodied women and men, who were so intimidating from a physical standpoint that my body wouldn't perform that day at all. I just felt like I was a fat American in my sweats eating McDonald's sitting at a French bistro surrounded by sexy, sophisticated French women in their bikinis drinking Merlot for lunch. (That's the only analogy I can think of to accurately describe the situation. Please refer to the warning above if you don't like it.)
So I fully expected to go into the expo and be surrounded by athletic Brooklyn Decker types. And as we walked in, we were greeted by "ladies in waiting" who were sprinkling everyone with pixie dust. It was beautiful. And what was even more beautiful, was the fact that I was surrounded by thousands of women who looked just like me. There were mothers and daughters, sisters, grandmothers, and lots of teams of women who had trained together and were running for a cause. I was immediately relieved to know that the majority of women there were running in hopes of just finishing rather than setting a PR. I was relieved, encouraged and inspired and most importantly, was able to enjoy the day. Sidenote: It was CROWDED. And they didn't allow strollers. Really, they didn't. My loving husband stood in a 30 minute line to get my 13.1 sticker and my I DID IT! t-shirt at the RunDisney merchandise booth. It was so sweet. Especially because I knew there was still a chance that I might not get to use either one of them. At the moment, I still had a small unsettling fear that I wouldn't finish; a thought that I just could not silence.
We had a nice relaxing rest of the day. We went swimming, ate more than we should have, and I went to bed feeling much more confident than before the expo.
The next day we went to the Animal Kingdom. Now this was the only part of Disney World that my son Jack was actually looking forward to. Autistic children tend to get overstimulated with crowds and loud noise. And Jack used to be the exception to the rule, but not anymore. But if there's animals involved, he's good to go. So we were super excited for this day. We went on safari, petted some sheep and llamas, changed some diapers in a rain forest sound booth, waited on Jonathan so he could look at Pocahontas a little longer than I would have liked but I digress. It really was a great day. But by 5 that evening my legs and feet were already hurting, and I began to worry. 3 a.m. was going to come really really early. yay
Race Day Report:
3 a.m. did in fact come early. Armed with my whole wheat bagel and peanut butter and banana, we set out for Epcot. My plan of just slipping the boys out of bed and into the car had backfired. They were wide awake. I felt so bad for what they were going to put Jon through over the next six hours. Jon was trying to get my pre-race interview on film while I was driving and eating so I'm sure that video is going to win Best Documentary at next year's Oscars. We got to the runner's drop off area and I realized that they were ushering cars in and out so fast that there was going to be no proper good-byes. There was not going to be an opportunity for a Casablanca good-bye moment where Jon sends me off a little girl and I return as a woman. There was no pre-race motivational Rocky and Mickey speech to set me off. It was just jump out, good luck, and the good luck was mostly directed at Jon for the fact that he now had to go and find a parking space, hang out for 3 hours until race time, and then survive both the boys in a double stroller getting around the parks to see me race...for another 3 hours. Good Luck was definitely going to be needed.
As I got to the holding area, it looked like a rave. It was dark, it was 3:30 in the a.m., there were a lot of glow sticks and necklaces, a lot of glitter and fairy wings, and a lot of people were putting things into their mouths that they maybe shouldn't have. You know, your typical rave in Orlando. It was complete organized chaos. I couldn't figure out where to go. So I found myself a corner and parked it for the next hour. I just people watched and figured out people's stories. And everyone here had them. There was a lot of nervous excitement. And also a lot of fear. I was a nice eclectic mix of the two and everything in between.
Around 5 they directed us towards the starting line. A walk that took around 20 minutes. The cool thing about Disney is, they don't do anything half-ass. (What does this word mean? We had a good conversation about this on the way to Orlando. No one ever says full-ass. Or all-ass.) But Disney had gone to great lengths to consistently give you something to look at or listen to. Music was pumping from ten foot speakers and they had giant tv screens making sure you could see the pre race show that included the fairy godmother and inspirational stories. It was really, really cool.
At about 5:45, I had come out of the porta potty (for the 3rd time already). I found my way to my Corral. We were supposedly placed in our corresponding corrals based on what our submitted pace was. So I kind of figured that everyone would look like me. Some did. Some didn't. Some actually looked like Brooklyn Decker. And a few looked like they were in the middle of the Biggest Loser season (I say that with a sincerity and respectful, non-sarcastic tone). It was really inspirational to see such a diverse group of women. I began to get really emotional. And all of a sudden, really really scared. And then it happened. My phone rang. It was my kindred spirit/ best friend Francis Clayton. If any of you don't know her, you're really missing out. She called me to wish me well, to tell me that I could do it. And to tell me that this was my time. After we hung up, she texted me the following gem:
There comes a time in every woman's life when she must blaze her own trail. A time when she has to run, not from an evil stepmother, but to her moment of glory. A day when the true princess inside of her shines through. The time has come for you! Shine sister shine!
I don't know if this was someone else's quote or an original, because she is certainly capable of something so creative and powerful, but wherever it came from, it went straight to my head. And at that moment, any fear I had of not finishing completely disappeared. And I was ready. Ready to do what I set out to do 6 months prior. Ready to prove to myself that I was capable of doing something impossible and great. And I knew at that moment that I would see that finish line, get my medal, and get to put the sticker on my car and get to wear that I DID IT! t-shirt that my husband so awesomely waited in line to buy me. I made sure my tiara was in place and waited for my fireworks to flash and for the fairy Godmother to say GO!
The first few miles that are usually so difficult for me were pretty cool. I really had to focus on pacing myself. I occasionally looked at the Garmin and saw 10:00 and 10:30, WAY too fast for me. I knew that if I didn't slow down I would pay for it later. At mile 2, they had a giant pirate ship from one of the parades. And Jack Sparrow along with other hunks like Tarzan, Aladdin and John Smith were there to greet the ladies. They also had hot-air balloons, DJs and men on stilts. It was pretty cool to see this stuff along the highway. Around mile 3 they had Lilo and Stitch and the Luau dancers from the Polynesian Hotel. The belly dancers were a nice touch because it gave some extra motivation to keep running. Muffin tops were one thing those dancers did not posses. At mile 4, I knew my boys would be waiting. I dressed us all in green so we would be easy to find. And it worked. I could spot em in a crowd of hundreds. And the color green has never looked so pretty. Mile 6 took us into the Magic Kingdom. Before we even got on Main Street, the tears came and came hard. Every worker that was there stood on the running path to give us high fives and to cheer. From the rundisney volunteers to cafeteria workers and janitors, they all just stood there to cheer for us. Only in Disney I thought to myself. And when I turned the corner to see the castle, the flood gates opened and the Red Sea came crashing down on me. I was boo hooing. Like, I literally was saying boo hoo I was crying so hard. We ran thru Tomorrowland and I thought about the first trip that Jack was tall enough to ride the cars. Boo hoo. I saw the tea cups and remembered my uncle puking after getting off of them and a woman coming by and literally slipped into his vomit. I couldn't have been older than 6. Boo hoo. I passed by Pooh and mourned for the fact that this ride scares Jack to death, but rejoiced in the fact that George loves it. Boo hoo. And then I came to the back of the castle. There she was. Cinderella and Prince Charming. My alter ego and that of my husband's (proclaimed by myself and not said husband). And Mickey and Minnie. And there were trumpeters. And as I ran through the tunnel, the view of Main Street lined with thousands of spectators was just too much. I had to stop. And ugly face cry. And I videotaped. Yeah, I took a handheld recorder and hopefully got some good footage. It was a great moment. One that I had been waiting on for a long time. And it was just as sweet as I imagined it would be. It was here I decided that I was going to relish these next few minutes. And take full advantage of it. I waited in line to get my picture made in front of the castle. I waited in line to get my picture made with Capt. Hook and Smee, only because they were Jack's favorite. And before I exited the Magic Kingdom through Frontierland, I stood in front of Splash Mountain and looked behind me at all the runners and the fog that was still settled from the morning, I put my hands on my hips and said I'll never have this moment again. Sigh
And then I realized, oh yeah, I'm running a race with a pace limit, I should probably get back to the running thing.
Mile 7 I don't remember, other than that I was trying to compose myself, find my happy thought, and settle in for the torturous last 6. I also realized it was time for a sportbean snack and was terribly disappointed to find that I was actually sweating hard enough that my beans in my butt pocket had disintegrated into sugar. Cuss. Mile 8 was going to be bittersweet for me. It would be where I would last see the family before the last 5 miles. And I would get a banana :)
They were waiting for me at the end of the spectator crowd. I wanted to jump in the stroller with them. Jack never looked up from his ipad, and George had food all over his face. And Jon was so proud of me at that moment. I think he might have been a little shocked that I was still standing. Or that I was coherent. Regardless, the look of pride was priceless. And a woman then offered to take our picture. She was super kind and she congratulated me on getting this far. She then revealed that she was picked up at this point last year. She didn't make it. That golf cart found her and dashed her hopes of that tiara medal. Cuss, I have to go. It was not gonna be me.
Mile 8-11 were tough. There was nothing to look at, only maybe because I never looked up from the street in front of me. I strapped on the headphones and blocked everything else out. First up on the shuffle, Bella's Lullabye from Twilight. (All you haters can stick it.) It calmed me, helped me to focus and breathe, and allowed me to daydream about Edward throwing me on his back for a sprint back to Epcot. It was awesome. Thank you Stephanie Meyers. Then Dancing Nancies by DMB. My husband's favorite. I spent this time reminiscing about our trip to Atlanta last summer where we went to see them in concert, took my sister as our babysitter, and made it to the show in enough time TO SEE THE ENCORE. Best 20 minutes of my life. Strangely and appropriately enough, it got stuck on repeat, and I listened to it for 2 miles. Must be noted, I walked mile 11 and 12. Probably most of 10 too but who's counting? My legs and feet felt like led. I had actually gotten a blister on one of my toes. Awesome. But my mantra became Keep Moving Forward. Keep Moving Forward. Thank you Walt and Meet the Robinson's. In the middle of mile 12 I came to an overpass. An overpass that looped around the highway that I had just gotten off of. A highway that allowed me to see most of Disney property, including Epcot and the Finish line. I could actually see it. And....ugly face cry #33. I decided to record the moment. And as I looked back at the highway, I saw thousands of runners. And it occurred to me. I was not going to come in last. Not next to last. And not even in the last 4000. That was a strange, good and completely new experience for me. I then said to myself "Let's finish this thing, and finish strong."
I found a surprisingly good running pace. And just as I was beginning the last mile through Epcot, Somewhere Over the Rainbow Israeli K style came on the ipod. I couldn't have planned it better myself. I entered the park right next to Spaceship Earth. We traveled around the fountain and towards the World Showcase entrance. I saw where the infamous nutwagon once stood that I spent an amazingly fun 4 months of my life standing behind every morning during the college program. I then began to look back at those 7 or 8 years of my life that while at times were great fun, with great experiences and great people, they were also filled with dark times where I was not my best, not my strongest showing of character, and certainly didn't do much to be proud of. And I realized, thanks to the infinite wisdom of my husband, that it was time to let all of that go. And I did just that. As I crossed that finish line, I shed the dead weight I feel like I've been carrying since I was 18. I was able to look at the last 14 years of my life and see where I've come from, what I've been through, and realize that however I got to this place, I'm here, and it's a really, really good place. I have two beautiful boys, a husband that God has so graciously bestowed upon me and God love him, I haven't run him off yet. And I just accomplished something that 6 months ago, during a conversation I had with my husband, I said I couldn't do. I knew that Jon and the boys had not made it back to the finish line before I crossed. They got stuck in a line for the monorail. But I enjoyed and savored that moment for myself. An older gentleman came to me and placed the prettiest gold tiara medal I have ever seen, gently around my neck. And I swear to the stars I felt like FloJo and I was at the Olympics and had just taken home the gold for the US. (Suck it skinny French women with your Merlot!!) A woman, also crying uncontrollably at the finish line, looked at me and we realized that our families were no where near us and we spontaneously fell into each other's arms and told each other how great we were. It was a surreal, exhilerating and the most humbling experience I've ever had. And......scene.
Higlights:
Most inspired moment- I got behind a woman around mile 3 that was clearly in good shape, clearly an avid runner, and clearly battling cancer. She was also spitting blood into a hankerchief. I ran behind her as long as I could. At mile 6, right before the Magic Kingdom, she had to enter a medical tent.
Most inspiring costume- Costumes were everywhere. Mostly princesses and fairies. There were about 500 men who ran. Most of them, were also dressed as fairies and princesses. But the most inspiring costume came from a husband and wife team. They stayed together the entire race dressed in tutus, mickey and minnie hats and matching purple socks. Their t-shirts had a picture of a beautiful little girl and it read:" We are running in memory of our beautiful Anna Grace." They held hands numerous times during the race. I stayed behind them as well, for as long as I could. And cried the whole time.
Most inspiring conversation heard- this race benefits the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. There were numerous teams of men and women who had trained and traveled together and were running in memory or in honor of someone. I tried to stay as close to those teams as possible and feed off of their encouragement. At times, someone would want to sit out, and their team members would say "do it for _ who couldn't be here, do it for _ who lost their son, etc. and they would keep moving. It was beautiful, emotional, sad, and inspiring.
Lowlights:
I learned the hard way about where exactly to put the body glide on for the next race. Blisters on the side boob suck. I learned, also the hard way, that bushes can sometimes be more pleasant and convenient, than porta potties. I learned that while using a bush, just make sure your pants are out of the line of fire before proceeding. I learned that I do not want sugarfree or lowcal powerade while I'm running. Seriously, what's the point? I learned that while most women there were running for a personal and emotional goal, the runners who were there strictly for the "PR" need to chill out. I learned that even the most fit runners suffer from injuries and mental breakdowns and actually quit. And I learned, only from observation of others mind you, that some women naturally want their thongs to show above their pants, even when running. More power to ya girlfriend.
TIME:
My only concern about time was not to fall below the necessary pace to finish. I'm pretty proud of this time. Especially when I look back at how many times I stopped, to take in the moment, to take pictures, get my picture made, and three big potty breaks. I think it's pretty awesome myself. But here it is for your enjoyment.
Conclusion:
In December of 2007 I received my Bachelor's degree from Mississippi State. I started in 1996 at Ole Miss. It took me 11 years to get a four year degree. So on graduation day, I looked up at my husband and little Jack and my family and realized it was the proudest moment of my "professional" life. I had finished something I set out to do. As I walked into the HUMP that day in cap and gown, I thought "I will never be more proud of myself than I am right now." And well, Sunday, I proved myself wrong. The feeling of accomplishment I had Sunday, not just when I crossed the finish line, but all during the race, pale in comparison to that day. Not only did I do something mentally, but this involved pushing my body to the outward limits of what I thought possible. I didn't do it because I had to, I did it because I wanted to. And it is surprisingly one of the most humbling experiences. Over the last six months I've become a much more calmer and confident person. I'm less judgemental of others, physically and personally. It's resulted in me being a more disciplined, responsible, and more organized person than before. Now this didn't magically make me a better person nor did it make me a perfect person, obviously. It's what you feel when you prepare or train for something. And most importantly, when you set a goal to do something impossible and then you reach that goal knowing it is a direct result of hard work, determination and heart. I'm most definitely a better person because of it. One of the greatest pleasures this journey has afforded me is finding the friendship and support of friends that I had lost touch with and those I didn't even know I had. I have been overwhelmingly touched by the show of support from you guys during this experience. One of the reasons I started the blog was not just for the accountability, but to help branch out socially and get comfortable with conversation again. As a stay at home mom I had isolated myself from society and justified that by saying I was being a good mom and that was enough. But it's not. You need contact with others to keep you sane and to be a productive human being. And this experience has rectified that situation as well. I feel like I have numerous people I can now call a friend and I once again feel comfortable in my own skin, something I havent been able to say in a long time. So thank you. Thank you to everyone who messaged me or emailed me or cared at all about what I was doing. Your friendship and kind words had much deeper meaning and a much grander effect than you will ever truly know.
Where to go from here: I surprisingly feel like nothing has come to an end. And I hate to sound like a cliche, but my real journey is just now beginning. I immediately felt like wanting to put another race on the calendar. Which we have done. My husband and I will do a half in Savannah in the Fall. And we are even considering the full at Disney in January. Yeah I said it. Lofty goal I know. But I think that's the key. To anything physically, spiritually, or mentally, Always have a goal and always be moving forward. And my last piece of advice: the biggest secret I've learned through all of this is that there is no secret. We all know what we have to do to feel good about ourselves. Whatever it is that you want to do to make you better, to make you happy, then just do it. No excuses. Life will always get in the way. That's why they call it life. Kids, family, jobs, illness, tragedy, and bad habits will always be present to distract us from taking care of ourselves. But you have one life. One body. One mind. So take care of it. Make it the best it can be. Because we're only here once. We only get one shot to do it right.
So whatever it is you want to do, then do it. (Thanks bendoeslife.com)
I love you all.
Lisa. I'm out.
My favorite quote from any song comes from the Indigo Girls "Love's Recovery": Oh how I wish I were a trinity, so if I lost a part of me, I'd still have two of the same to live. But nobody gets a lifetime rehearsal, as spects of dust we're universal. So let this love survive and be the greatest gift that we could give.
Song of the Day: Firework, Katy Perry
"People's reactions to opera the first time they see it is very dramatic; they either love it or they hate it. If they love it, they will always love it. If they don't, they may learn to appreciate it, but it will never become part of their soul."
Replace the word "opera" with "running a long race" and that's how I feel today. On Sunday, I ran a race. The Disney's Princess Half-Marathon. And I finished. I didn't die. I didn't puke. I actually ran across the finish line. It was hard. It hurt. I saw a lot of people in pain and agony and a lot of people who didn't reach their goals that day. In fact, almost 17,000 people began the race. Less than 14,000 finished. That blasted Mickey Mouse golf cart did indeed exist. And it picked up a lot of women on Sunday morning. But by God, it didn't get me! I didn't even see it. Never had to look for it. It was a great day. I fell in love that day. Not with running, but with accomplishing goals. I realized it really had been a long time since I had done something that I was proud of, just because I wanted to.
I'm gonna break this thing down. Warning: I have a lot of information/emotions to discuss. A LOT. Proceed with caution. You've been warned.
Pre-Race:
Friday we went to the expo at the Wide World of Sports to pick up my race bib and information, be pixie-dusted, and to size up the competition. Now the most important thing to be noted here, I was scared of this expo. Probably more scared of this than the actual race. This was going to be what determined my outlook going into Sunday. I'm sure I need not remind you of the Turkey Trot fiasco. The morning of that run, I had a complete mental breakdown just based purely on the fact that I was surrounded by beautiful, hard-bodied women and men, who were so intimidating from a physical standpoint that my body wouldn't perform that day at all. I just felt like I was a fat American in my sweats eating McDonald's sitting at a French bistro surrounded by sexy, sophisticated French women in their bikinis drinking Merlot for lunch. (That's the only analogy I can think of to accurately describe the situation. Please refer to the warning above if you don't like it.)
So I fully expected to go into the expo and be surrounded by athletic Brooklyn Decker types. And as we walked in, we were greeted by "ladies in waiting" who were sprinkling everyone with pixie dust. It was beautiful. And what was even more beautiful, was the fact that I was surrounded by thousands of women who looked just like me. There were mothers and daughters, sisters, grandmothers, and lots of teams of women who had trained together and were running for a cause. I was immediately relieved to know that the majority of women there were running in hopes of just finishing rather than setting a PR. I was relieved, encouraged and inspired and most importantly, was able to enjoy the day. Sidenote: It was CROWDED. And they didn't allow strollers. Really, they didn't. My loving husband stood in a 30 minute line to get my 13.1 sticker and my I DID IT! t-shirt at the RunDisney merchandise booth. It was so sweet. Especially because I knew there was still a chance that I might not get to use either one of them. At the moment, I still had a small unsettling fear that I wouldn't finish; a thought that I just could not silence.
We had a nice relaxing rest of the day. We went swimming, ate more than we should have, and I went to bed feeling much more confident than before the expo.
The next day we went to the Animal Kingdom. Now this was the only part of Disney World that my son Jack was actually looking forward to. Autistic children tend to get overstimulated with crowds and loud noise. And Jack used to be the exception to the rule, but not anymore. But if there's animals involved, he's good to go. So we were super excited for this day. We went on safari, petted some sheep and llamas, changed some diapers in a rain forest sound booth, waited on Jonathan so he could look at Pocahontas a little longer than I would have liked but I digress. It really was a great day. But by 5 that evening my legs and feet were already hurting, and I began to worry. 3 a.m. was going to come really really early. yay
Race Day Report:
3 a.m. did in fact come early. Armed with my whole wheat bagel and peanut butter and banana, we set out for Epcot. My plan of just slipping the boys out of bed and into the car had backfired. They were wide awake. I felt so bad for what they were going to put Jon through over the next six hours. Jon was trying to get my pre-race interview on film while I was driving and eating so I'm sure that video is going to win Best Documentary at next year's Oscars. We got to the runner's drop off area and I realized that they were ushering cars in and out so fast that there was going to be no proper good-byes. There was not going to be an opportunity for a Casablanca good-bye moment where Jon sends me off a little girl and I return as a woman. There was no pre-race motivational Rocky and Mickey speech to set me off. It was just jump out, good luck, and the good luck was mostly directed at Jon for the fact that he now had to go and find a parking space, hang out for 3 hours until race time, and then survive both the boys in a double stroller getting around the parks to see me race...for another 3 hours. Good Luck was definitely going to be needed.
As I got to the holding area, it looked like a rave. It was dark, it was 3:30 in the a.m., there were a lot of glow sticks and necklaces, a lot of glitter and fairy wings, and a lot of people were putting things into their mouths that they maybe shouldn't have. You know, your typical rave in Orlando. It was complete organized chaos. I couldn't figure out where to go. So I found myself a corner and parked it for the next hour. I just people watched and figured out people's stories. And everyone here had them. There was a lot of nervous excitement. And also a lot of fear. I was a nice eclectic mix of the two and everything in between.
Around 5 they directed us towards the starting line. A walk that took around 20 minutes. The cool thing about Disney is, they don't do anything half-ass. (What does this word mean? We had a good conversation about this on the way to Orlando. No one ever says full-ass. Or all-ass.) But Disney had gone to great lengths to consistently give you something to look at or listen to. Music was pumping from ten foot speakers and they had giant tv screens making sure you could see the pre race show that included the fairy godmother and inspirational stories. It was really, really cool.
At about 5:45, I had come out of the porta potty (for the 3rd time already). I found my way to my Corral. We were supposedly placed in our corresponding corrals based on what our submitted pace was. So I kind of figured that everyone would look like me. Some did. Some didn't. Some actually looked like Brooklyn Decker. And a few looked like they were in the middle of the Biggest Loser season (I say that with a sincerity and respectful, non-sarcastic tone). It was really inspirational to see such a diverse group of women. I began to get really emotional. And all of a sudden, really really scared. And then it happened. My phone rang. It was my kindred spirit/ best friend Francis Clayton. If any of you don't know her, you're really missing out. She called me to wish me well, to tell me that I could do it. And to tell me that this was my time. After we hung up, she texted me the following gem:
There comes a time in every woman's life when she must blaze her own trail. A time when she has to run, not from an evil stepmother, but to her moment of glory. A day when the true princess inside of her shines through. The time has come for you! Shine sister shine!
I don't know if this was someone else's quote or an original, because she is certainly capable of something so creative and powerful, but wherever it came from, it went straight to my head. And at that moment, any fear I had of not finishing completely disappeared. And I was ready. Ready to do what I set out to do 6 months prior. Ready to prove to myself that I was capable of doing something impossible and great. And I knew at that moment that I would see that finish line, get my medal, and get to put the sticker on my car and get to wear that I DID IT! t-shirt that my husband so awesomely waited in line to buy me. I made sure my tiara was in place and waited for my fireworks to flash and for the fairy Godmother to say GO!
The first few miles that are usually so difficult for me were pretty cool. I really had to focus on pacing myself. I occasionally looked at the Garmin and saw 10:00 and 10:30, WAY too fast for me. I knew that if I didn't slow down I would pay for it later. At mile 2, they had a giant pirate ship from one of the parades. And Jack Sparrow along with other hunks like Tarzan, Aladdin and John Smith were there to greet the ladies. They also had hot-air balloons, DJs and men on stilts. It was pretty cool to see this stuff along the highway. Around mile 3 they had Lilo and Stitch and the Luau dancers from the Polynesian Hotel. The belly dancers were a nice touch because it gave some extra motivation to keep running. Muffin tops were one thing those dancers did not posses. At mile 4, I knew my boys would be waiting. I dressed us all in green so we would be easy to find. And it worked. I could spot em in a crowd of hundreds. And the color green has never looked so pretty. Mile 6 took us into the Magic Kingdom. Before we even got on Main Street, the tears came and came hard. Every worker that was there stood on the running path to give us high fives and to cheer. From the rundisney volunteers to cafeteria workers and janitors, they all just stood there to cheer for us. Only in Disney I thought to myself. And when I turned the corner to see the castle, the flood gates opened and the Red Sea came crashing down on me. I was boo hooing. Like, I literally was saying boo hoo I was crying so hard. We ran thru Tomorrowland and I thought about the first trip that Jack was tall enough to ride the cars. Boo hoo. I saw the tea cups and remembered my uncle puking after getting off of them and a woman coming by and literally slipped into his vomit. I couldn't have been older than 6. Boo hoo. I passed by Pooh and mourned for the fact that this ride scares Jack to death, but rejoiced in the fact that George loves it. Boo hoo. And then I came to the back of the castle. There she was. Cinderella and Prince Charming. My alter ego and that of my husband's (proclaimed by myself and not said husband). And Mickey and Minnie. And there were trumpeters. And as I ran through the tunnel, the view of Main Street lined with thousands of spectators was just too much. I had to stop. And ugly face cry. And I videotaped. Yeah, I took a handheld recorder and hopefully got some good footage. It was a great moment. One that I had been waiting on for a long time. And it was just as sweet as I imagined it would be. It was here I decided that I was going to relish these next few minutes. And take full advantage of it. I waited in line to get my picture made in front of the castle. I waited in line to get my picture made with Capt. Hook and Smee, only because they were Jack's favorite. And before I exited the Magic Kingdom through Frontierland, I stood in front of Splash Mountain and looked behind me at all the runners and the fog that was still settled from the morning, I put my hands on my hips and said I'll never have this moment again. Sigh
And then I realized, oh yeah, I'm running a race with a pace limit, I should probably get back to the running thing.
Mile 7 I don't remember, other than that I was trying to compose myself, find my happy thought, and settle in for the torturous last 6. I also realized it was time for a sportbean snack and was terribly disappointed to find that I was actually sweating hard enough that my beans in my butt pocket had disintegrated into sugar. Cuss. Mile 8 was going to be bittersweet for me. It would be where I would last see the family before the last 5 miles. And I would get a banana :)
They were waiting for me at the end of the spectator crowd. I wanted to jump in the stroller with them. Jack never looked up from his ipad, and George had food all over his face. And Jon was so proud of me at that moment. I think he might have been a little shocked that I was still standing. Or that I was coherent. Regardless, the look of pride was priceless. And a woman then offered to take our picture. She was super kind and she congratulated me on getting this far. She then revealed that she was picked up at this point last year. She didn't make it. That golf cart found her and dashed her hopes of that tiara medal. Cuss, I have to go. It was not gonna be me.
Mile 8-11 were tough. There was nothing to look at, only maybe because I never looked up from the street in front of me. I strapped on the headphones and blocked everything else out. First up on the shuffle, Bella's Lullabye from Twilight. (All you haters can stick it.) It calmed me, helped me to focus and breathe, and allowed me to daydream about Edward throwing me on his back for a sprint back to Epcot. It was awesome. Thank you Stephanie Meyers. Then Dancing Nancies by DMB. My husband's favorite. I spent this time reminiscing about our trip to Atlanta last summer where we went to see them in concert, took my sister as our babysitter, and made it to the show in enough time TO SEE THE ENCORE. Best 20 minutes of my life. Strangely and appropriately enough, it got stuck on repeat, and I listened to it for 2 miles. Must be noted, I walked mile 11 and 12. Probably most of 10 too but who's counting? My legs and feet felt like led. I had actually gotten a blister on one of my toes. Awesome. But my mantra became Keep Moving Forward. Keep Moving Forward. Thank you Walt and Meet the Robinson's. In the middle of mile 12 I came to an overpass. An overpass that looped around the highway that I had just gotten off of. A highway that allowed me to see most of Disney property, including Epcot and the Finish line. I could actually see it. And....ugly face cry #33. I decided to record the moment. And as I looked back at the highway, I saw thousands of runners. And it occurred to me. I was not going to come in last. Not next to last. And not even in the last 4000. That was a strange, good and completely new experience for me. I then said to myself "Let's finish this thing, and finish strong."
I found a surprisingly good running pace. And just as I was beginning the last mile through Epcot, Somewhere Over the Rainbow Israeli K style came on the ipod. I couldn't have planned it better myself. I entered the park right next to Spaceship Earth. We traveled around the fountain and towards the World Showcase entrance. I saw where the infamous nutwagon once stood that I spent an amazingly fun 4 months of my life standing behind every morning during the college program. I then began to look back at those 7 or 8 years of my life that while at times were great fun, with great experiences and great people, they were also filled with dark times where I was not my best, not my strongest showing of character, and certainly didn't do much to be proud of. And I realized, thanks to the infinite wisdom of my husband, that it was time to let all of that go. And I did just that. As I crossed that finish line, I shed the dead weight I feel like I've been carrying since I was 18. I was able to look at the last 14 years of my life and see where I've come from, what I've been through, and realize that however I got to this place, I'm here, and it's a really, really good place. I have two beautiful boys, a husband that God has so graciously bestowed upon me and God love him, I haven't run him off yet. And I just accomplished something that 6 months ago, during a conversation I had with my husband, I said I couldn't do. I knew that Jon and the boys had not made it back to the finish line before I crossed. They got stuck in a line for the monorail. But I enjoyed and savored that moment for myself. An older gentleman came to me and placed the prettiest gold tiara medal I have ever seen, gently around my neck. And I swear to the stars I felt like FloJo and I was at the Olympics and had just taken home the gold for the US. (Suck it skinny French women with your Merlot!!) A woman, also crying uncontrollably at the finish line, looked at me and we realized that our families were no where near us and we spontaneously fell into each other's arms and told each other how great we were. It was a surreal, exhilerating and the most humbling experience I've ever had. And......scene.
Higlights:
Most inspired moment- I got behind a woman around mile 3 that was clearly in good shape, clearly an avid runner, and clearly battling cancer. She was also spitting blood into a hankerchief. I ran behind her as long as I could. At mile 6, right before the Magic Kingdom, she had to enter a medical tent.
Most inspiring costume- Costumes were everywhere. Mostly princesses and fairies. There were about 500 men who ran. Most of them, were also dressed as fairies and princesses. But the most inspiring costume came from a husband and wife team. They stayed together the entire race dressed in tutus, mickey and minnie hats and matching purple socks. Their t-shirts had a picture of a beautiful little girl and it read:" We are running in memory of our beautiful Anna Grace." They held hands numerous times during the race. I stayed behind them as well, for as long as I could. And cried the whole time.
Most inspiring conversation heard- this race benefits the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. There were numerous teams of men and women who had trained and traveled together and were running in memory or in honor of someone. I tried to stay as close to those teams as possible and feed off of their encouragement. At times, someone would want to sit out, and their team members would say "do it for _ who couldn't be here, do it for _ who lost their son, etc. and they would keep moving. It was beautiful, emotional, sad, and inspiring.
Lowlights:
I learned the hard way about where exactly to put the body glide on for the next race. Blisters on the side boob suck. I learned, also the hard way, that bushes can sometimes be more pleasant and convenient, than porta potties. I learned that while using a bush, just make sure your pants are out of the line of fire before proceeding. I learned that I do not want sugarfree or lowcal powerade while I'm running. Seriously, what's the point? I learned that while most women there were running for a personal and emotional goal, the runners who were there strictly for the "PR" need to chill out. I learned that even the most fit runners suffer from injuries and mental breakdowns and actually quit. And I learned, only from observation of others mind you, that some women naturally want their thongs to show above their pants, even when running. More power to ya girlfriend.
TIME:
My only concern about time was not to fall below the necessary pace to finish. I'm pretty proud of this time. Especially when I look back at how many times I stopped, to take in the moment, to take pictures, get my picture made, and three big potty breaks. I think it's pretty awesome myself. But here it is for your enjoyment.
| Distance | HALF MAR |
| Clock Time | 3:24:24 |
| Chip Time | 3:02:51 |
| Overall Place | 8819 / 13091 |
| Gender Place | 8819 / 13091 |
| Division Place | 1506 / 2113 |
| Age Grade | 36.1% |
| 5K Split | 37:33 |
| 10K Split | 1:22:20 |
| 15K Split | 2:07:59 |
Conclusion:
In December of 2007 I received my Bachelor's degree from Mississippi State. I started in 1996 at Ole Miss. It took me 11 years to get a four year degree. So on graduation day, I looked up at my husband and little Jack and my family and realized it was the proudest moment of my "professional" life. I had finished something I set out to do. As I walked into the HUMP that day in cap and gown, I thought "I will never be more proud of myself than I am right now." And well, Sunday, I proved myself wrong. The feeling of accomplishment I had Sunday, not just when I crossed the finish line, but all during the race, pale in comparison to that day. Not only did I do something mentally, but this involved pushing my body to the outward limits of what I thought possible. I didn't do it because I had to, I did it because I wanted to. And it is surprisingly one of the most humbling experiences. Over the last six months I've become a much more calmer and confident person. I'm less judgemental of others, physically and personally. It's resulted in me being a more disciplined, responsible, and more organized person than before. Now this didn't magically make me a better person nor did it make me a perfect person, obviously. It's what you feel when you prepare or train for something. And most importantly, when you set a goal to do something impossible and then you reach that goal knowing it is a direct result of hard work, determination and heart. I'm most definitely a better person because of it. One of the greatest pleasures this journey has afforded me is finding the friendship and support of friends that I had lost touch with and those I didn't even know I had. I have been overwhelmingly touched by the show of support from you guys during this experience. One of the reasons I started the blog was not just for the accountability, but to help branch out socially and get comfortable with conversation again. As a stay at home mom I had isolated myself from society and justified that by saying I was being a good mom and that was enough. But it's not. You need contact with others to keep you sane and to be a productive human being. And this experience has rectified that situation as well. I feel like I have numerous people I can now call a friend and I once again feel comfortable in my own skin, something I havent been able to say in a long time. So thank you. Thank you to everyone who messaged me or emailed me or cared at all about what I was doing. Your friendship and kind words had much deeper meaning and a much grander effect than you will ever truly know.
Where to go from here: I surprisingly feel like nothing has come to an end. And I hate to sound like a cliche, but my real journey is just now beginning. I immediately felt like wanting to put another race on the calendar. Which we have done. My husband and I will do a half in Savannah in the Fall. And we are even considering the full at Disney in January. Yeah I said it. Lofty goal I know. But I think that's the key. To anything physically, spiritually, or mentally, Always have a goal and always be moving forward. And my last piece of advice: the biggest secret I've learned through all of this is that there is no secret. We all know what we have to do to feel good about ourselves. Whatever it is that you want to do to make you better, to make you happy, then just do it. No excuses. Life will always get in the way. That's why they call it life. Kids, family, jobs, illness, tragedy, and bad habits will always be present to distract us from taking care of ourselves. But you have one life. One body. One mind. So take care of it. Make it the best it can be. Because we're only here once. We only get one shot to do it right.
So whatever it is you want to do, then do it. (Thanks bendoeslife.com)
I love you all.
Lisa. I'm out.
My favorite quote from any song comes from the Indigo Girls "Love's Recovery": Oh how I wish I were a trinity, so if I lost a part of me, I'd still have two of the same to live. But nobody gets a lifetime rehearsal, as spects of dust we're universal. So let this love survive and be the greatest gift that we could give.
Song of the Day: Firework, Katy Perry
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Day 112: Ramblin Man
Today:
Last long run before the race. 10 miles in 2 hours and 11 minutes. I feel pretty good other than my butt hurts. Which is weird because it hasn't hurt, ever. Maybe this means I've just now ran off enough fat to actually begin to work that muscle back there, and today was the first day that the muscle has actually moved. That's a good probability. The hard part for me hasn't been the distance, but sustaining a good, consistent jog for longer than 2 miles. The first two miles are still so awkward for me. I trip, my legs and feet feel weighted and crooked and I simply can't find my rhythm. But once I get into the third mile, I start feeling like FloJo (minus the nails.) Side note: after she suddenly and tragically passed away, her husband, a couple of years after her death, still paid her cell phone bill, just so he could call and hear her voice. Just one of those insignificant yet beautiful little bits of information that my brain retains on the off chance that her name gets brought up, which I did myself. Awesome.
So today was my last long run, and I did it. Yes, I got tired. Yes, I thought about quitting and going to Shipley's, but I didn't. I spent a lot of time today thinking about the last five months. About how difficult it was and still is at times, to just run. It's freaking hard. I thought about the program that I followed. I am absolutely proud to say that I followed a running program for five months. Five months straight?? No. I didn't run every time I was supposed to. I took at least two and a half weeks off at Christmas. And some days I would look at that calendar and say kiss my arse Hal Higdon. Some days I even gave it the finger. But I did stick with it. Do I wish I was more diligent and committed? Absolutely. But at this point, I have no regrets.
My feelings about the race:
I'm confident. And then I'm not. I think "there's no way I'm not going to finish." And then I think "crap, what if I don't finish." I swear somedays I think I'm bipolar.
Regarding the race, I know that the only thing I have to worry about that day is myself. Like Fabio said this week on "Top Chef": You are the only shadow standing in the way of your sunshine. At the time it sounded ridiculous (albeit sexy in the Italian accent; am still bummed he went home) but it completely made sense to me once I started thinking about the different ways this race can play out. I'm probably going to feel super pumped getting up at 3 am and getting to my corral. I'm going to be wicked emotional filming my pre-race interview with the fam, and I'm going to ugly face cry when I hear the music and see the fireworks for the start. And then I'm going to see those beautiful hard bodied runners and once again, just like the Turkey Trot day, I'm going to come down with a big ole case of erectile dysfunction or erunner dysfunction (there should be a word.) Outside of some physical catastrophe that keeps me from finishing, it really does all depend on if I can stay strong enough, mentally, to finish.
This week:
I'm going to spend a lot of time in reflection (with the Tao), a lot of time looking at my life and figuring out how and why I've come to this moment, a lot of time focusing on why I want to run this race. I want to run for myself; so I can be proud of something I've accomplished outside of children and husbandry and to achieve something that seemed completely unattainable. I want to run for my Jack; because he has taught me that nothing is impossible, that we are all capable of doing the one thing we thought we never would do. I want to run for my husband, because he has helped me to realize my potential. I want to run for my little George, because he's going to be the athlete of the family and I already can't keep up with him. I want to run because I know that there a few people out there who think I can't do it. And I want to moon them. And I also want to run because it will make my butt smaller. (All your reasons don't have to be life altering or Ghandi-ish.)
Song of the Day: Leave Out All the Rest - Linkin Park
Quote of the Day:
"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." - Lao Tzu
"Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself." - William Faulkner
Last long run before the race. 10 miles in 2 hours and 11 minutes. I feel pretty good other than my butt hurts. Which is weird because it hasn't hurt, ever. Maybe this means I've just now ran off enough fat to actually begin to work that muscle back there, and today was the first day that the muscle has actually moved. That's a good probability. The hard part for me hasn't been the distance, but sustaining a good, consistent jog for longer than 2 miles. The first two miles are still so awkward for me. I trip, my legs and feet feel weighted and crooked and I simply can't find my rhythm. But once I get into the third mile, I start feeling like FloJo (minus the nails.) Side note: after she suddenly and tragically passed away, her husband, a couple of years after her death, still paid her cell phone bill, just so he could call and hear her voice. Just one of those insignificant yet beautiful little bits of information that my brain retains on the off chance that her name gets brought up, which I did myself. Awesome.
So today was my last long run, and I did it. Yes, I got tired. Yes, I thought about quitting and going to Shipley's, but I didn't. I spent a lot of time today thinking about the last five months. About how difficult it was and still is at times, to just run. It's freaking hard. I thought about the program that I followed. I am absolutely proud to say that I followed a running program for five months. Five months straight?? No. I didn't run every time I was supposed to. I took at least two and a half weeks off at Christmas. And some days I would look at that calendar and say kiss my arse Hal Higdon. Some days I even gave it the finger. But I did stick with it. Do I wish I was more diligent and committed? Absolutely. But at this point, I have no regrets.
My feelings about the race:
I'm confident. And then I'm not. I think "there's no way I'm not going to finish." And then I think "crap, what if I don't finish." I swear somedays I think I'm bipolar.
Regarding the race, I know that the only thing I have to worry about that day is myself. Like Fabio said this week on "Top Chef": You are the only shadow standing in the way of your sunshine. At the time it sounded ridiculous (albeit sexy in the Italian accent; am still bummed he went home) but it completely made sense to me once I started thinking about the different ways this race can play out. I'm probably going to feel super pumped getting up at 3 am and getting to my corral. I'm going to be wicked emotional filming my pre-race interview with the fam, and I'm going to ugly face cry when I hear the music and see the fireworks for the start. And then I'm going to see those beautiful hard bodied runners and once again, just like the Turkey Trot day, I'm going to come down with a big ole case of erectile dysfunction or erunner dysfunction (there should be a word.) Outside of some physical catastrophe that keeps me from finishing, it really does all depend on if I can stay strong enough, mentally, to finish.
This week:
I'm going to spend a lot of time in reflection (with the Tao), a lot of time looking at my life and figuring out how and why I've come to this moment, a lot of time focusing on why I want to run this race. I want to run for myself; so I can be proud of something I've accomplished outside of children and husbandry and to achieve something that seemed completely unattainable. I want to run for my Jack; because he has taught me that nothing is impossible, that we are all capable of doing the one thing we thought we never would do. I want to run for my husband, because he has helped me to realize my potential. I want to run for my little George, because he's going to be the athlete of the family and I already can't keep up with him. I want to run because I know that there a few people out there who think I can't do it. And I want to moon them. And I also want to run because it will make my butt smaller. (All your reasons don't have to be life altering or Ghandi-ish.)
Song of the Day: Leave Out All the Rest - Linkin Park
Quote of the Day:
"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." - Lao Tzu
"Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself." - William Faulkner
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